Lifestyle Of Worship

Psalm 2012 v.128

2012-01-28T21:14:00.000-08:00

Why must a mother's heart feel such anguish?
Why must the helpless one suffer?

Human minds try to reason with mysteries
Trying their theories on the needy, the wounded, the broken
Some things are beyond all reasoning, beyond all that one can bear
Where are You?
Are You there?

Weighty, crushing is my heart of anguish
Breathless, helpless, life suspended
Wishing, waiting, almost listless
In the stillness, so alone

You are listening, waiting, watching
Crying, grieving, heaving, sorrow
In the stillness, I hear You breathing
And I faintly see You leading
To a place - - so rare

The place of leaning, cleaving, bare
Into something beyond reason
Where - oh where - oh where?

The place that only You can go
The place that only You can know
The place of humble resignation
And yet - without despair

My hope is found in You alone
The kindest One I've ever known
Who speaks of things I do not know
And keeps me in His care

Come meet me, greet me, in this place
And let me see Your loving face
The One who wipes away my tears
And keeps me in His care

I find my rest in You alone
I lean away from all I know
And press into Your beating heart
And find my safety there

For You are with me, breathing, listening
Touching, reaching, healing, kissing
Your child, your love, be-loved one
I - am in Your care

Now I feel You gently reaching
Loving, caring, breathing, listening
Now I know that You are here
And I am not alone

I - am not alone

Isaiah 66 - As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you

Looking for the whole story?

2011-11-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

A great big thank you to the many many people who read the story of The Making Of A Miracle.

If you have just arrived and would like to start at the beginning, then:
go to this link here.

It will be worth it. God's work always is.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 13

2011-11-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* A list of dreams, desires and demands that had been written at least 3 years earlier, was right in front of our eyes. No one knew about the perfect match up but us. Us and God.

The meeting was on a Thursday. We invited John into our home and spent the next 3 hours or so talking. At the start of the meeting he thanked us for welcoming him into our homes....our lives. He let us know that he and his colleague had traveled 4 hours from the coast to see us this fall day. On the 4 hour journey, they prayed for us and our family. God had told them that Lindsay was to be the one that they welcomed into this new available bed. (who does this?)

We spent hours talking about Lindsay's unique needs, her history, etc. John listened, wrote lots of notes and asked all the right questions. He talked to us about the process of accepting Lindsay into the home and what it would require of us as a family. He spoke of being courageous. He listened to every fear and responded with answers that continued to bring peace, even though our hearts were screaming.... I'm scared!

Then he said:
I know that all the forms have changed for the government and you have not been able to fill them out, so, on the weekend I went online got the forms and filled them all out for you.
Who does that? On his day off no less?!

I filled them all out for you.

You have no idea what this means. It means hours of agonizing meetings, rehashing all that has been difficult, unique and rare about your child. This is not easy. Nope. Hard, grueling, almost torturous. It means saying: I can't do it. It makes you feel so incapable as a parent and defies the very perseverance you have leaned on all of the years.

I filled them all out for you.

Those words echoed into my heart and right down deep into my soul. Immediately the day in May came to my mind, when I whispered a feeble prayer:

God, if you want me to do this.... I need you to make this easy for me.

I burst into tears.....again.......for the zillionth time in this story.

Right then and there I told John and my husband about the prayer that I had almost forgotten. We cried and felt completely overwhelmed and humbled at the perfection of the gift that had just been offered.

It couldn't be easier than this. (except for the fact that my heart was wrenching in shock, fear and bewilderment).

This man had taken what should have been our responsibility and labor and did it for us. We didn't do anything. Just like that. It was done. All we had to do was to sign the forms. (better interpreted as let go and say yes. Or let go and let God).

Then, he said:
I have to go now because I've got another appointment now with your social worker's boss's boss and I'm going to push this. You need to get prepared. We are going to push this through. We know that Lindsay is the one that is to be in this home.
Her personality, unique needs and joy are a perfect fit for the 3 other individuals living in the home. God told us it is to be her.

Oh, and by the way. This home is an adult home and Lindsay is still a youth. We've never taken a youth into an adult home. It just doesn't happen. There are different funding umbrella's, requirements etc. It's a lot of red tape. We've never done it before, but we are going to cut through that red tape and make it happen.

My husband and I just stared at each other. We were speechless.

We didn't know how to respond. Laugh, cry, scream, wail. What?!

How can you even express when a miracle is standing right in front of you?
Part of you is wondering if you are dreaming.
Part of you says, this is uncharted territory.. don't do it. NO... this is too fast. NO, I can't!

We thanked this man who had now become our advocate extraordinaire.
We had no words to express our gratitude AND our fear of letting go.
So, we just said thanks and closed the door.

Insert BIG SIGH.
Now what?!
What if this whole thing was a bad idea?
What if it was just wishful thinking?
Or was it a set up......... a master plan?

Our eyes of faith were becoming less blurry.
We could see custom designed answers that only God could know.
ONLY GOD could know.
This kept us moving forward.......scared.

We turned to our sweet pea and wept some more.
Meanwhile.... she smiled and giggled, enjoying all the attention of her two favorite attendants.
She was (and always is) oblivious to the anguish, to the tearing. All she sees is love and adoration.

Thoughts kept whirling in and around our mind for days. We had to talk to our kids about it.
That was a major process in itself. They had their own fears and anguish to deal with.
They were fiercely protective of their sister and thought that the only perfect place for her was home.

We let them process, just like we had. We took them to the place, we listened and we went on with life as usual.

A few short weeks later, John called and informed us that it had been approved. Now we needed to set up a date of arrival for the princess.

I was getting REALLY anxious now. I needed to know that she would be understood. That she would be cared for perfectly.

He offered to let me create a manual of care for Lindsay and said that I could go to the home as much as I needed and train all of the staff. That brought me some relief.

The next few weeks were a whirwind of activity.
I had a lifetime of experience to write down on paper. I had a book of signals and unspoken words and movements to interpret into a language that the staff could understand.
I created "what to do if" lists, and "don't do this" lists.
I created a "what to wear" and "what not to wear" recommendations.
I taught them how to do her princess up do's and hairstyles. I was not willing to settle for anything less. And they, in turn, became willing learners, eager to give the princess what she rightfully deserved.

It was H-A-R-D.
I needed to find a way to celebrate this, instead of making it into a mourning process.

So, I decided to paint her room.

I went all out.

Princess power was the theme.

I wanted it to be bold and bright and convey a message to the staff that they were taking care of royalty.

Taking care of Sweet Pea was no ordinary job. This was highly specialized work that required the extraordinary human beings. I wanted them to feel it as soon as they entered her room.

I wanted them to see what I saw. What God saw.

I painted a favorite verse on her wall that said:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I brought Lindsay to the home each time I painted and used the weeks of preparation to slowly get her (and more importantly me) used to the new environment and new people. Every chance I got, I would teach the staff another new tidbit about the princess. They graciously listened, I mean, REALLY listened. We grew closer together. Trust was building.

One day in December, as I was painting her new room, I was talking to God about this whole process. I was letting Him know how afraid I was.
I had chosen to be thankful for the unexpected gift and decided to just move forward - afraid. I had no trouble letting Him know my thoughts and fears. That's what best friends are for.

It was still heart wrenching. I was facing my greatest fear of letting go.
I needed something more to get me through this.
God help, this is really hard. Is this really You?

As I swished the brush onto the wall, I remembered the October the 13th date.
Huh! I thought. That's weird.

My mind wandered to the entry in my husbands calendar.
It wandered to the actual day and it's events. So weird. Doesn't make any sense.
Huh....... I wonder....... I wonder if......

Then......I don't know why, but I walked out of the room right up to the manager of the home and said:

I know this seems like a crazy, weird kind of question.......
But did anything happen here on October the 13th?

She just stared at me, looking kind of startled and shocked.
She pulled me aside.
Well, yes. she said in a quiet, whipser like voice.

That's the day the bed (the spot for Lindsay) became available.
How did you know? She said.
I didn't. I said.

I went on to explain the crazy story of the message from God almost a year earlier.

We just stared at each other.
This meant more to me than she could or would ever know.
Once again, I was speechless. (as you can see by my lengthy posts, this is a feat in itself).

All of the months, all of the unexpected meetings, all of the various people involved, all of the asking, all of the seeking, made sense.

I was completely dumbfounded and overwhelmingly grateful all at the same time.
This was the answer I needed to let go.
I needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that "this place" was "THE place".

It didn't matter if anyone else understood this or got it. I got it. We got it.

We had been the recipients of a miracle in the making.

God knew that I needed extra assurance that this was the right thing, the perfect thing, for our princess.
I needed one more sign, one more word, to silence any doubts both here and in the future.
This was it.
On October the 13th I am going to do something for you.

And He did.
Beyond what any one person could orchestrate or imagine or configure.
The above and beyond all you could ask or ever imagine kind.
The kind of miracle that is custom made for a princess.

It took a whole host of people to implement.
It took the Master hand of God.
AND it took a willingness to wait, to be bold, to ask for more, to hope, to be willing to be willing, to say yes and face the fear.

Often I look back and wonder....

what if we tried to move to Kelowna in our own way.. not God's way?
what if we never moved to Kelowna?
what if my dad hadn't stopped at Bethesda?
what if my husband thought he was hearing things, and wrote off God's voice?
what if I hadn't made a phone call?
what if John didn't take the time to care about us as a family?
what if I hadn't asked for what I wanted?
what if we were too afraid and just said no?

The possibilities for a different ending are endless. It's a miracle in the making that I will NEVER forget. (and now will have in print forever).

Looking back, I have learned that I never did let go. I never gave up. I never lost anything.
I gave over to the best.
I gained a new family and more time to have fun with her.
I got to choose to invite others into the privilege of caring for our precious princess.
She's too spectacular not to share.

She needs the team at Bethesda, but more importantly, they need her.
They need her healing smile, her infectious giggle, her simple outlook on life. We all do.

My heart is daily filled with gratitude at this miracle, these people, this place, this princess and this miracle, given by God.
I will be forever grateful. October the 13th was the day a miracle happened that I will never forget.

Thanks for reading the story, taking the journey with me, and celebrating this miracle in the making.

What story is waiting to be written just for you?

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 12

2011-11-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* Life as I knew it was swirling upside down. I had years of Lindsay's severe health issues turn my world upside down (over and over) and I had learned to ride that wave. But this..... this.... I had NO grid for. This was uncharted territory of a foreign land. It scared me.

A few days later, John left a message on our phone.

Seeing as we are coming next week and we serious about this, I think you need to go and see the home before we have the meeting.

Woah, slow down! This is going way too fast. I thought.
I can't do that! I don't want to do that.

Nothing, aside from building the "perfect home" for Lindsay would ever match my expectations.
This princess can only have one kind of castle, and it would have to be perfect..

John left the name and phone number of the manager at the home and asked me to book a visit.

Woah... slow down Mister! I thought.
Now my heart was pounding in my throat.
I picked up the phone and called my husband immediately.

My husband has always been a black and white kind of guy. It often takes me time, consideration, and a ton of verbal processing to come to a conclusion. Not Sid. His response was almost instantaneous.

Ah... NO! He said very bluntly.
Underneath his words was this rage like a wolf protecting his young. Ain't nobody gonna touch my baby that I have nurtured and cared for daily for 17 years!

We are not ready for this. I'm not ready for this.

It's very nice of them, but I can't do it. I'll talk to John. He said very matter of factly.
The conversation was done.
My heart moved back down into my chest and I could breathe again.

He's right. We aren't ready. We don't HAVE to do this. I told myself.

But inside I had this wild curiosity about this man, this place, this call, this opportunity. The curiosity did not lessen, it only intensified.

My husband called John and had a lengthy conversation. They chatted about the opportunity, the meeting, the place and most importantly the princess and the deep love that he had for our sweet pea.
He told John of Lindsay's unique needs and the load that it had placed on our family. He thanked him for this gracious offer, but let him know that we just weren't ready. He just couldn't do it.
The conversation was done.

That evening, after the kids were asleep, we laid in bed chatting and somewhat praying about this crazy phone call.
Our emotions bounced all over the place until we became exhausted, prayed a bewildered prayer to God for clarity and relented to sleep.

The next day John called back.
He insisted that we go see the home and have the meeting. He had been praying about it and asked if we would just take this step.

Ingredient #8 for a miracle.

You're never done, unless you choose to be done.

Accepting a miracle in the making can mean saying yes when you want to say no.
Be willing to be willing.

Am I dreaming? I thought. This is Ridiculous. Impossible. Crazy.
Breathe Cheryl. Just breathe. Just take the next step.
No one is forcing you to do anything.
Besides that, it won't be what she needs, it probably won't be a good fit or measure up. Nothing ever has.

That evening I told my husband about the call from John and his request. I told him that I said yes.

You can go then! But I'm not! My husband said in a flustered huff.

That's when the same courageous (who is this woman) kinda surge rose up in me again, just like the day I had asked for Bethesda.

Well, I'm NOT going by myself. You are coming with me, or we're not going at all! I sputtered.

Fine! He blurted.
Fine! I blurted back.

On we went with our normal routine of the evening. Dinner, homework with our son, feeding Lindsay, bathing her, diapering and putting her to bed. The chores drowned out our racing emotions.

The day of the viewing arrived.

By then I had this vague recollection of a list that we had created when we were back in Ontario.
Years earlier, we had met with families for months. We all dreamed of building a home for our kids that would suit their needs perfectly. At the meetings we all decided to write a list of "non-negotiable's" for our child. These were unique, one-of-a-kind provisions that had that had to be present for our children. Absolutely non-negotiable. Completely custom made lists that would only matter to them... to us.

We pulled up to the driveway. Both of us were a bundle of nerves.
We were surprised to discover that it was only 10 minutes from our home was nestled into a quiet street that backed onto a gorgeous popular green-way that extended throughout the city.

We rang the doorbell, and tried to calm our breathing.

Rita, the manager opened the door and greeted us warmly.
She invited us in and started showing us around.
My eyes and nose were on high alert. I don't like homes that smell like hospitals.

Sniff, sniff. Hmmm. It smells like a delicious roast beef dinner in here. Certainly not what I had imagined and experienced before.

As we wandered around, from room to room, my vision became blurred, with overwhelming tears.
After viewing the "empty room", we both stopped and began to weep, uncontrollably.

Only God and the other families in Ontario knew what our list of non-negotiable's were.
This place had EVERY ONE of the things on the list. Right down to the fact that Lindsay needed 2 blinds on her windows to block out any early morning sunlight.

We had always dreamed of having a kitchen as the central place in the home with hallways all around it so that Lindsay could walk and wander safely to her heart's content. They were here. There were windows all around the kitchen so anyone could peer in and see what was going on, without being exposed to the dangerous stove.

The floors had no carpet. Another non-negotiable.
There were loads of windows pouring in sunlight.
There was a covered deck to keep the sun's heat away.
There were only 4 beds and fantastic one on one care, tailored uniquely to each individual.

Our non-negotiable list was VERY long and detailed. (almost impossible to achieve)

This place had EVERYTHING ON THE LIST. NOT ONE THING WAS MISSING. I kid you not.
Not only that.. there were a few other items added that we didn't even know we wanted.

I'm not sure how the meeting ended. It's all a blur now. All I know is that we both walked away empty of tears, flushed, flustered and completely undone. Now we were really messed up.

What was going on?! We had no clue.
All we knew is that a secret list was matched perfectly with this place called Bethesda.

This alone gave us enough faith to go into our meeting in a few days.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 11

2011-10-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* You are getting impatient to find out the rest of the story.

* I am excited to tell you the rest of the story.

* Good things come to those who wait, and hope, even when they see nothing.

One day in late October 2006, the phone rang. It was John. The man from the Bethesda organization.

You're not going to believe this. I really can't believe this. He said.
But a bed has just become available in one of our Kelowna homes.
This is very unexpected.

John proceeded to let me know that he had 4 families with all the paper work done, and approval for a group home. They all wanted Bethesda.

Where is Lindsay's paperwork? I can't seem to locate it. He asked.

Ahh.....well, you see I didn't fill out the paperwork. The social worker has not been available to help me and I just couldn't do it myself this time. It was too overwhelming, too heart-wrenching, just too much. Frankly, I just needed to make it through the summer. I said in quiet, somewhat scared voice.

My heart was pounding...... Racing.

Well, we have 4 other families wanting this bed, AND we have prayed about it and we really think it should be Lindsay. He said, very simply.

What happened to the waiting 10 years thing? I thought to myself.
In an instant a zillion thoughts whirled through my head:

I'm not ready for this.
This is too soon.
This is impossible.
I don't have any paperwork, anything done.
I'm not ready.
We're not ready.
She's not ready.
But she's like a baby, I can't give you my baby! I don't care how nice you are.

Somehow I mumbled out some words to him. To this day, I have no idea what I said. All I remember is that we chatted for a while and I cried alot.

This was unexpected. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy out in left field.
My head was spinning. My heart was squishing. The crushing, squeezing, jump off a cliff kind of squishing.

Listen. He said calmly but firmly.

My colleague and I are coming into town next week. I want to set up a meeting with you and your husband and I will talk you through this and help answer any questions that you have.
But know this: It will be a long and tough meeting for your heart. Be prepared. We are going to seriously talk about the reality of Lindsay coming to Bethesda.

How on earth can you prepare for something like this?

How do you prepare for a tearing in your heart?
Sometimes it's just by be willing to be willing.
Sometimes is just saying yes, scared and all.

If you don't have a special needs child, you cannot understand the anguish, the grief, of letting go.
It's a daily balance of grief, perseverance, tenacity, determination, finding hope and letting go all mushed into a 24 hour period. Day after day.

Over the years, we have had well meaning people suggest that we just put Lindsay in a home, so that we could have relief.

It's not that simple.

Life with a special needs child is anything but simple. The more "special" they are, the harder it is to allow others to care for them. Not because we think others can't do it, but that their needs are highly unique. They are extra ordinary. Anything less just won't do and can create a whole host of difficulties for the child.

The love that we share is very unique. I believe God designed it that way.
I have learned to love in ways I had never imagined. And some days, this love is the only thing that keeps you from giving up.
It pushes you to keep trying, keep believing.

Our children use our voices to advocate for what they need. It's like being an interpreter for someone with a hidden, unknown language, culture, diet and whole way of being. Only the interpreter can fully understand, know and represent the person.

Nothing simple about it.

There is nothing ordinary about being a princess.

Now, back to the story.

I booked the appointment with John, even though my heart was racing. The only thing that made me say yes was a sense of curiosity mixed with the deep knowing that this man was given to us by God. I felt like I could trust him.

Nothing else made any sense to me and scared the bi-geepers out of me.

Sometimes you just have to say yes to the next step right in front of you.
Just say yes. And take a deep breath.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.

Making Of A Miracle - Part 10

2011-10-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* We found a forgotten note from God.

* We had no idea what it meant, or if it was real.

* Occasionally we got curious and somewhat hopeful that something may happen on October 13th.

I know.................your curiosity is peaked now, isn't it? Good!

I hope your perspective and desire to believe are as well.

You too have an incredible story that God wants to write with your life.

Early October, we were reminded of "the 13th day" in Sid's calendar and we began to get really curious about it.

What could it be? Could it even be anything? If it was... what would it be?

It felt like we were kids trying to sort out whether that gift under the Christmas tree was for us, and if it was, what was in it?

Friday October the 13th came and went. Many people are really superstitious about this day.
Here's how the day shook down for us:

I had a fender bender in a parking lot. The person that hit me did not want to take any responsibility for it. Seeing as it was in a parking lot. We were stuck with repairing the dent.

My husband got to wander in the woods and spend some time hunting. That day a whole group (herd) of Cariboo ran across his path. It was spectacular.

When Sid arrived home, we assessed the "Friday October the13th" situation. We were somewhat puzzled.

The situations didn't seem to match the revelation.

It actually felt somewhat anticlimactic.

A fender bender certainly didn't match any of the hopes and imaginations.
Seeing the Cariboo were spectacular and caused Sid to be grateful...... but, it also caused him to feel as though maybe he had somehow missed the mark.

Maybe we were over thinking this date thing.

Maybe this hunting experience was the "thing" that God was going to do.
I mean, how great is that to be out in the mountains and see God's nature come rushing by?

We decided to take the perspective that we could see God's handiwork in the day, and that maybe that's all it was ever meant to be. Sid got to be somewhere that he loved and got see something that he he had never seen before. That was a gift. We could be good with that.

Onward we went.
Completely unaware of the Master Plan.

Oblivious to the Miracle in the Making.
Sometimes miracles hide.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 9

2011-10-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* I knocked on a door that seemed to stay shut
* Challenges were still on the horizon
* I boldly asked for something that I apparently could not have

Summer proved to be as long as I thought it would. The Okanagan is wonderfully hot and desert like in the summer. Unfortunately Lindsay doesn't do well with heat, so our options for activities were extremely limited. Seeing as there was no summer camp or day program, Lindsay had no regular routine, which converted to a massive dose of yelling and Barney. It definitely takes its toll on your level of patience and sanity. My level was getting real low.

About mid July I was in my husband's office helping him do some bookings for his work travels that would be coming up in the fall. As I reviewed his calendar for possible openings, I noticed that he had something booked on a weekend that may be an option for travel. October the 13th had a booking.
I opened the calendar entry on his phone, and all it had was a booking that said:

God is going to do something.

What on earth? I thought with a spark of curiosity.

Hey babe, what is this in your calendar? It says God's going to do something and its written down on October the 13th?

What?!!! He said.

You have something booked on your calendar for October the 13th. It says, God is going to do something. What on earth does that mean? I inquired.

Let me see that. He said as he pulled his phone from my hands.

He had a puzzled look and stared off into the recesses of his memory. Then he said:

Oh ya.. now I remember!

I don't know. I was praying one morning back in the beginning of the year, and I think I heard God say:

On October the 13th, I am going to do something.

It made no sense to me but it was SO strong and it felt so real that I felt like I had to write it down somewhere to remember it. So, I put it in my calendar.

I just stared at him, blinking, trying to find words.

Um....Do you have any idea what He is going to do? I said.

Nope...

I just thought I'd write it down. I actually totally forgot about it, until today. He said.

Well that's kinda weird. I said.

Are you sure this was God?

I mean this has never happened where you think God talked to you about a date on the calendar!

Are you sure?!! I inquired.

This was ~~a wee bit~~ downright weird and out of character for my husband, and frankly, what we knew of God and our friendship with Him.

We chatted about it for a while. Then we started wondering if it could be true.

Could God be this specific? And if so... Why? What for?

Maybe Sid was hearing things.. maybe he ate too much pizza the night before... maybe it was wishful thinking...

We had more questions than answers and yet we felt child like and as though we had discovered a secret.

After much chatting, we came to the conclusion, that God had spoke to Sid and it made no sense to us.

We laughed and said: Well... we'll see when October the 13th arrives!

Back we went to our daily duties and responsibilities and the conversation with God and the date quickly vanished from our memories.

In the next few months, the thought of October the 13th came to our minds whenever we came across the calendar and saw the " God is going to do something" scheduled in.

In those moments we would wonder like a child does when their mind wanders to a fantasy world. And then, life would quickly snap us out of a dreamland and back to reality. Real quick.

Sometimes reality is a far away from a miracle as you can possibly get.

That doesn't mean God is not there or that He doesn't care.

He's working behind the scenes.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 8

2011-10-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* I had a meeting with a stranger who felt like a brother.

* I had written a letter that had shaken me to the core.

* I had no idea what was happening.

As I read the letter, John just listened. Then, he asked more questions. The kind that cause you to think that this person really cares. He turned out to be an extremely knowledgeable, kind, strong leader with a heart the size of China and an ability to listen with ears as big as Dumbo.

He let me know more about their organization and the core values that they believed in. I liked what I heard. He informed me that Bethesda had 2 group homes in the Kelowna area that were full. They took great care of their clients and they often lived really long lives.

Well that's fine. I thought. I'm not looking for a group home right now.
In our conversation John knew that we had spent a year in Ontario meeting with other parents of special needs children. Our goal had been to plan for a home for them all that would be a "dream home" that would meet the unique needs of each of our children. I left that dream behind in Ontario, or so I thought.

He recommended that I go to the government and start the application for Lindsay to live at Bethesda in the future. It let me know that it was a really long process and even after you are approved, it is about a 10+ year wait.

I let him know that I wasn't looking for a group home right now, but seeing as he said it would take 10+ years, I thought that I would follow his recommendation. Just the thought of it created anxiety in my heart. He coached me on how to proceed with requesting an application and he warned me that the government would not make it easy. It would be tough plowing. He encouraged me to at least start the process and to continue to be strong and bold throughout the long road ahead.

I had become familiar with tough plowing. I could do it again. But inside I thought...

I just can't plow that hard any more. God, I need some help!

At the end of the meeting, John said he was going to go back to head office and do some research on whether they could create some day programs in the future or help me find respite workers. It would take time. He would keep me posted. In the meantime, I could do my part and start the process.

As I walked to my car that day, I let out a ginormous sigh and said:

God, if you want me to do this... I need you to make this easy for me.

Those 17 words had more meaning than 17 chapters of a riveting novel.

So, back home I went, booked another appointment and jumped right back into the business of life.

About a month later, I had my appointment. To my surprise, my social worker did not attend, but instead her boss, Peter was here in this room again with me.

He listened to me speak about how we were becoming weary and that we wanted to look at options for the future for Lindsay. I let him know of my meeting with Bethesda and that I wanted to at least start this long process. I told him about our meetings with parents in Ontario and how I had a dream to create a home that would meet all the needs of Lindsay, right down to the last little detail.

He graciously smiled and said:

There is no way that we will put Lindsay in a group home. That is not how we do it here.
If you are unable to care for Lindsay, we will just give her to another family.
A foster family will take care of her.

That statement got my blood boiling! I was about to explode with emotions.

Another family!!!! I said.

How could another family possibly take care of her better than her own?!! She needs constant care! She needs a whole team of help. I said.

We'll just give them more support. He said.

More support???!! I said, trying to hold back the rage that was swirling inside of me.
I felt like I was about to roar like an angry lion.

I proceeded to tell him all the reasons why that would be a completely unreasonable, unsafe and crazy idea for Lindsay.

Didn't he know that she needed things a certain way?
No regular home and family could accommodate that!!!! She would be at risk for injury and a whole host of other things!!

There was NO WAY I was going to say yes to that!
I was mad! The alarm bells of danger were going off inside of me like an ambulance rushing to the scene of a crash.We bantered back and forth. Him giving his reasons, me giving mine. We were at a standstill.

And then......something shifted. The rage inside me became channeled into a calm surge of courage.
Am I allowed to ask for what I want? I inquired.

Yes. He said. But you are not going to get it.

Well....... I WANT Bethesda. I blurted.
Who was this woman who just blurted this?!! I asked myself.

You can ask, but you are not going to get it. He said very matter of fact like.
Then I proceeded to let him in on the same story I told the social worker, a few months earlier.

My daughter is really important, to me and to God. You see, she is a princess...
On and on I went, informing him that a princess needs a whole host of workers. (more than one family.)
It's just the way it is.

We were on different pages. He looked at me with a blank stare like I had seen before.

He informed me that there was a brand new system being instituted for the application process. Due to that fact, my social worker was in a season being re-trained to fill out the forms. She would not be available and once she was, there was a waiting list to even start the process.

He knew that I had lots of experience with filling out forms so he offered them to me and gave me a website where I could learn a whole new system and start to fill out the forms on my own. He let me know that I would hear from my social worker for an appointment in about 3 months time, after summer was over.

After summer? Nice. Summer... oh no...

I thanked him and took the information from him. The meeting was over. No apparent progress.
What a great way to spend an hour or so.

Here I was, seemingly right back where I had started.
Heading into summer, with not enough workers.
It was going to be a long summer. I had to find a way to get through.

I came home feeling deflated and feeling I like I had wasted my energies and emotions on a dead end.

No time to cry over spilled milk, I thought.
I've got to focus on making the best of it.

And focus I did.
I jumped into the challenge with all engines firing. I left the forms and applying, way in the distance of my mind. It was too overwhelming to think about, to do. I had to focus on the tasks at hand.

So, I left it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Ingredient #7 for a miracle:
Keep asking.

Faith is a muscle that needs exercise and practice.

You are not in control.

You are NEVER out of God's sight and mind. He's got you on His radar.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 7

2011-10-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

To recap from last post:

* We had needed funding for Lindsay

* We had some help, but couldn't find what Lindsay really needed.

* I had lost steam.... fast and hard.

I picked up the phone and called this Bert guy on the business card. How I was able to get to him directly is still a miracle to me. I started at the top. He was compassionate and kind and referred me to a gentleman named John, who was in charge of the Kelowna area and beyond.

When I chatted with John, he informed me that they did not have any homes for respite. They only had full care group homes. They also did not have any day programs available in Kelowna. However, he did say that he would like to meet with me the next time he was in Kelowna, so that we could explore some possibilities that Bethesda may be able to create for Lindsay.

He informed me that in order to have a formal meeting with him, we as parents would have to write a letter of intent that would clearly state that we are looking for Bethesda to provide future care for Lindsay.

This was no small thing. This was a colossal, crying, letting go, giving over, surrender, years of love and care formed into words, kind of letter.

This letter had to clearly stated that we were unable to do this on our own and needed help, and chose Bethesda to be the help. It's not that Bethesda was taking her, but we had to have a very clear letter of intent from us as parents even to pursue this relationship with Bethesda.
I fought this inside my soul. BIG TIME.

And yet, this man John, also knew God as his best friend. We had the same spiritual values. I felt like I could trust this stranger and that he could help us, somehow, someway.

Something made me push forward, even though it was the most heart wrenching letter I have ever written.

If I thought I was worn out before... after writing this letter, I felt like an old soppy dishrag. I had no tears left.

The day for the appointment with John came and off I went to the coffee shop, holding back the dam of emotions within. This was scary.

Maybe I should call it off.
Maybe this is a bad idea. Why am I so emotional?
What am I doing? God are you here?

There in the middle of the coffee shop, I pulled out the letter and read it aloud to John. Tears were flowing down my flushed cheeks like hot lava on. I could hardly read the words aloud, and had to stop often to compose myself. Right there in the middle of the coffee shop.

This was hard. Almost unbearably hard. And yet I had this deep sense that my best friend was right there with me.

You may be thinking... woah girl... chill... it's just a letter.

But for me it was so much more than that. I didn't even understand the magnitude of what was really going on. I could only see in part, but my heart knew it was a big thing. It was a letter of surrender to God's best. To me, surrender doesn't mean failure. It means submitting to what is best.

Surrender : to relinquish to the control or possession of

Over the years I've developed a saying that captures my thoughts and perspective about surrender.
It's this:

Be willing to be willing.

Ingredient #6 for a miracle:
Be willing to be willing.
When your heart says yes, take the next step.
Tell your emotions to follow suit and do it afraid.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 6

2011-10-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* I looked like a crazy woman. got mad, blurted a declaration that my child was royalty.

* Asked for what Lindsay deserved and received it.

* Lived normal life with LOADS of ups and downs in between.

* Had a card... stuffed it in the drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

* My husband heard something strange and unusual from God and stuffed it into his calendar. Out of sight, out of mind.

The new funding that had now been granted to Lindsay allowed us to live our "normal" life with Sweet Pea. Appointments, therapy, drugs, special feedings every 4 hours, midnight diaper changes, drives in the car - to stop the yelling and keep her calm, booking respite workers so I could get groceries or go out with the family... you know, the normal kind of stuff.

Even though we had this financial provision designated for workers for Lindsay, I could only find one worker. She was a gem, and became one of the family, but one worker was not enough to meet all of Lindsay's needs.

We managed well until March Break. In BC, March Break meant 2 weeks of no school program or stimulus for Lindsay. Those were 2 REALLY long weeks. Most families are off skiing, or playing in the snow or visiting family. I was trying to find a way to keep sane for 2 weeks while sitting with her as she watched endless hours of Barney. The days were long for her too. When they are long... she starts yelling. She's a smart little thing. If she's bored, she yells, and due to the volume of the yell, someone always comes running! Who needs a bell to ding for service when you have a scream like hers!

I've never been able to figure out how this child, who cannot talk or eat food can manage to have such a ear piercing scream... it's a mystery, and one that makes me laugh and requires a huge amount of grace.

One of those long days, I sat at my desk and my mind began to wander to the summer that would be upon us in only a few short months. Summers were always a challenge for me, Sweet Pea and our entire family. We did not have the luxury of being spontaneous, or having lazy summer days. The first consideration was always:

How can we manage Lindsay today? What will help her be happy and safe?(not restless and yelling).

In Ontario, I had the privilege of working with a government team to establish a day camp for severely delayed children who also had significant medical needs. This created a safe place of stimulus and interaction for many children and respite for the parents. It was a GOD SEND.

Kelowna had NO summer day program for any special needs children, let alone for the high needs that Lindsay had. I would have to come up with my own plan, and limit my respite hours due to the high cost of 1:1 care. Just the thought of it made me feel like I was slipping into a deep dark hole of despair. All of a sudden the past 16 years of care seemed to rumbled down on me like a huge avalanche. I was felt like it was getting harder to find air to breathe, to see the light of day, to survive.

I used to try to find ways to make the best of situations, arrange as best I could and be grateful as I went along.

Today I didn't feel grateful. I felt exhausted. I felt like I was smothering under a huge amount of weight.

I don't think I can do this much more! I muttered to myself. I'd heard myself say this many a time. Except this time felt different. I felt like all the air had been released out a hot air balloon called my spirit or will.

Buck it up princess.. you can get through this.

And then a moment later:

How am I going to keep doing this? How am I going to get through this summer?

It felt overwhelming. (more than other years).
I needed some help. I felt like I needed a boat load of help.

There must be some help somewhere out there! Somewhere that I hadn't already looked into.

So far the search had turned up empty.
I would just have to keep looking.

There must be some respite homes or something in this city that I could access and use this funding for day programs for Lindsay, if even for a day or two a week!
I don't even know of any respite or group homes...I don't know anyone here in the system, where on earth would I start?

That's when I remembered the card that my dad gave me. I carefully opened each drawer, scouring for this little piece of paper.

Where did I put it? Was it still here? Maybe I threw it out.

That day my drawers got an unexpected spring cleaning, and I found the hidden treasure.

Hmmm, well, maybe I can call this man in Abbotsford and he can recommend a lead.
No harm in asking. And I'm desperate.

Ingredient #5 for a miracle:

Ask and seek

Sometimes miracles hide.

More coming tomorrow.
(Stay with me! I promise it will be worth the wait!)

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 5

2011-10-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Recap from last post:

* I was learning about the making of a miracle and some key ingredients
* Lyndsay's pet name now included Princess.. not just Sweet Pea.

* I audaciously blurted and declared that Princess was going to be taken care of, and I had NO encouragement, no idea how. It's almost like I was outside of my own body. Who was this illogical (ridiculous, crazy) woman?

After my meeting with the government, I settled back into the regular routine of life with a family, and a special needs child with no help. Let's just say it was challenging. (often draining, difficult, hard, seemingly endless). You know what I mean by challenging. You've been there. Or you are there. Or you may be there.

There's a lot of enduring and perseverance and a chosen perspective that is written in between the lines of a miracle in the making. It ain't all guns and roses.

It's more like poopie diapers, long days and sleepless nights... just sayin".

It's called process. The big learning that happens between here and there. Remember, it has to seem impossible.

Not long we arrived, my parents took a trip up to Kelowna to visit us. As we chatted one day, my dad pulled out a business card and told me about his discovery on a walk one day. He thought I might be interested in the organization and the services they had to offer. He challenged me to give them a call. After he left, I kept the card on my desk, and with the busyness of life, I eventually stuck it in a drawer for some other time, some other frame of mind. Truthfully, I forgot about it.

A few weeks after we settled into Kelowna, I got a call from the government about my application. You see, despite the bad report from the social worker, I still presented my case and asked that they would consider a request for the exact same amount of services as what I had received in Ontario.

I wish I could remember more of this part of the story... but I was in survival mode. When you're in survival mode... sometimes things are a little foggy. That's probably a good thing. Even though you may not remember all the good details... you also don't remember all the bad details.

Here's what I do remember. Long story short.

We were given access to respite funds, even before the 3 month waiting period was up.
Later... (can't remember how much longer... maybe a month or so?) I was given a meeting with the head of the organization and he let me know that we had been approved for the same amount of funding as we had in Ontario.

We were elated, excited, relieved, thankful, grateful, humbled and overall just pumped. We had some relief! Life could become manageable again!

Wow! That talk with God really panned out!! He really did consider her! Ha ha!

The deep inner feeling and bold declaration that she would be taken care of was matched with tangible results. And I didn't have to labor and fight for it.

Inside, I felt like a kid who is fighting bullies on a playground and in a last minute attempt for survival, screams out:

Oh ya! Well my dad is bigger than your dad!

My Dad showed up and He really was big! The bullies of doubt and fear and a bad report went scurrying far from my mind that day. I would never forget this. I had some more experience and new found chapter of history with this best friend of mind.

Around the same time, my husband was somewhere (don't ask me where... remember, intermittent fogginess can accompany a season of persevering, process and pressing in).

Anyways, one early morning, my husband was talking to God. This morning had an unusual moment. He felt this huge sense that God was right there with him. Then God said to Him:

On October the 13th, I am going to do something for you.

Ah... excuse me God... what?!

My husband had also found God to be a trusted friend and had become familiar with His voice.......but this was way out there.

October the 13th you are going to do something?!!!
Do you wanna tell me what?

That's all he heard, so he booked an appointment on Oct. 13 in his calendar and wrote:
God is going to do something.

That was it, he got on with his day, and it went quickly out of his mind.
He never did mention it to me.

Tomorrow, more of the story.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 4

2011-10-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

To recap last post:
*We were moving onto the unknown and a deep sense of knowing that it was right.
*Scary feelings mixed with calm, challenge mixed with.... am I crazy?

As soon as we arrived in Kelowna I had my booked appointment with the government to get the paper work and requests started for Lindsay. I finally got to meet the woman I had spoke to on the phone. She was as positive on the phone as in person. Her job was a tough one. She had to listen to incredible needs and try to help families who were desperate for help with very limited funding and services.

The whole system for special needs children was different. The forms, the process, the language, terms, how you asked ratings scales, etc. Nothing was the same. These type of meetings are always really long, and force you to retell the history of struggles for your child. I had come prepared.

Before arriving, I had worked with my Ontario Social Worker to learn the new wording, and basic structure of requirements for a new provincial system. I practically had a novel of the same information converted into a different language that this system could understand. As well as preparing the forms, I made a call to the head of the organization and got his email address from someone I had met on our house-hunting visit to Kelowna. He knew about Lindsay and he knew I had a meeting booked.

The meeting went as well as these things can go. They are very draining, and really focus on what is not working. This grates on my positivity strength and it's like asking me to dig a ditch in the cold rain for 12 hours straight. Gruesome, tiring, dirty work.

You often walk out of them feeling completely depressed and incapable as a parent. All of the effort you make... is not enough. So, I fight back against it with gratitude. It's one of my secret weapons for survival. It keeps me floating above the water of discouragement. In this place, though tossed by waves, I can breathe, I can see the sun and sky above me.

Throughout the meeting I let the worker know how very grateful we have been over the years for the governments support and I would tell her stories of gratitude and impact. I meant it. I am forever blessed to live in Canada with a government that cares so well for children with special needs.

At the end of the meeting my worker informed me that Lindsay would be placed on a very long waiting list after we had passed the 3 month waiting period. Then, when her time on the list came up, (which could be many months or a whole year) she may receive some funding to help with her constant care. If she did, it would be only about 5% of what she had been accessing in Ontario. That's just the way it was.

This was a bad report. And that is when something happened inside of me.

It's not like I had never heard bad reports with Lindsay before. They were presented to me a on a very regular basis. I knew how to deal with them and I could find a way to get through.
This time was different. I got mad inside. REAL mad. Not the yelling kind, but the roaring, mother bear kind. The kind where you want to wield a huge imaginary sword and slay a predator.

I felt this uncontrollable surge of indignation and fire well up within my belly and up through my throat. Something took control of me and I courageously and audaciously blurted:

Well.... You see.... You don't understand. My daughter is a princess.

I smiled and nervously laughed.

We have learned that Lindsay is a princess. She even has the life of a princess.... EVERYTHING gets done for her.
She doesn't have to feed herself, toilet herself or even wipe her own face, she has personal attendants every single day.
She's even got her own little chariot (wheelchair) that takes her from place to place.

(Come to think of it....... why on earth was I praying for her to be "normal" like me? She had it made! She was happy and had the life of a princess. I might need to re-look at my perspective of her being normal. But that's for another post.)

I believe in God and He thinks she pretty awesome. She belongs to God and He cares a lot about her.
I don't know how its going to happen, but she IS going to get what she needs.
God is going to get her what she needs.

I let out a big sigh (from the fire burning in my belly).

The worker just stared at me with a blank stare. She blinked. There was an uncomfortable silence. I'm sure she thought I was right off my rocker..... probably due to 16 years of high stress.

I had never been this bold before. I had become ridiculous, crazy-bold about NOT KNOWING.
Oh my......

Ah.... ok! she said slowly.

Well, umm...... that's all for today. I'll start the paperwork and I'll be in touch.
She said with a furrowed brow.

Ingredient #5 for a miracle:

Don't take ownership of the solution.

Do your part. Boldly and audaciously declare.
Believe and then leave it... as an impossible situation...... that is WAY beyond you.

Tomorrow... more of the story.

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 3

2011-10-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

To recap the last post:

* We were packed and ready to move... clear across the country from Ontario to BC

* My Dad went for a walk, stopped in a building, met a man, asked for his card

1st ingredient for a miracle:

1. Have an impossible situation.We qualified... big time

The moving day had arrived. After my heart warming meeting with the government on the phone in September, I learned that once we moved to BC, we would have to wait for 3 months for a medical services card, that would allow us access to funding for any diapers, formula (as she could not eat food) and medication that Lindsay needed on a daily basis. This was only a small value of around $1500 per month. No big deal.

Being the planner that I am, I stockpiled any leftover formula, diapers and medications to prepare for the lean 3 months ahead with no medical assistance.

There is NO WAY that Lindsay could handle driving across Canada, so I asked the government for extra help. That's when I learned about the 2nd ingredient for a miracle:

2. Be willing to ask for the impossible.
You never receive if you never ask. This was probably the greatest learning for me, and one that I needed some practice on in order to be ready for the future miracle. I had learned to ask for the basic needs, but never above and beyond.

Sometimes we ask, and nothing happens. I know. I get it. I asked for her to be miraculously healed. I asked that she wouldn't have to endure the 14 surgeries and endless complications and lengthy hospital stays. It didn't happened.

Sometimes we ask, and we don't get the answer we were looking for. Something comes, just not what we asked for. Sometimes its just enough grace for the day. Sometimes its a new perspective that gives you the ability to overcome. The key is to not stop asking. Just like a kid who keeps asking for that candy bar at the checkout counter while mom is in line paying for the groceries. He knows the answer, but he still asks......hoping and believing.

So, I asked and the government granted special favor for Lindsay to stay in a respite home in Ontario during the week while we drove West. On the weekends. a dear friend offered to care for Lindsay.
This is when I learned the 3rd ingredient for a miracle:

3. When relief and favor or a gift (miracle) comes your way, swallow your pride and say yes.

Don't listen to the lies that say: you have to do this on your own. You have to prove you can. That will disqualify you for a miracle. A miracle means you can't do it, it's beyond what you can do.

Learning to notice and acknowledge God's provision in day to day life, prepares you for more. He's building a reputation of trust with you.
Not because He needs to, but because you need the history to be foolish enough to believe for more.
That's why it's called History.
His - Story
Now, back to THE story.

We gathered the troops and stood on the curb, for one final goodbye to our home and life in Ontario.
My wise 14 year old son turned to me, looked me square in the eye, pointed his finger at me and blurted:

Mom, you've got 20 minutes to cry and that's it! We're movin' on!

He was right, we were. We had chosen. We had to stop looking back and move forward to the unknown. I had a deep knowing in my gut that this was right and I had a word from God, my trusted friend, that He would consider Lindsay. What does that actually mean to consider Lindsay?
I had NO idea. Like a blind woman being led by a well trained seeing eye dog, I stepped forward into the unknown, trusting that He would guide me.
Ingredient number 4 for a miracle:

4. Trust. Believe. Faith. Hope. (Ridiculous, crazy, scary kind)

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Heb. 11

Come back tomorrow for more of the story...

The Making of a Miracle - Part 2

2011-10-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

To recap the last post:

* My parents moved to Abbotsford, BC (what does this have to do with anything? Just wait... you'll see)

* 4 years later, we decided to move to Kelowna, BC. (no where close to my parents)

* We had no real steady job, no plan, no provisions for Lindsay's needs.

* Ridiculous, crazy, scary, maybe somewhat mental.

Now that the decision was made, I knew I had a go ahead from the big guy in the sky to starting planning and looking into the services that Sweet Pea would need. (I love planning!!)

I started with a phone call.
Bad idea..HUGE.

I spoke to a woman in the government office that said the following encouraging words to me:

Why are you moving here? Don't move here. It's a bad idea.
This is the worst province in Canada to move to with a special needs.
Stay where you are or go to another province.
There is NO WAY you will get anywhere near the support your are currently receiving.
You will be placed on a waiting list, and it will be a long one. Don't do it.

Well.............how inspiring!!
Nice. I thanked the kind (negative, downer) lady and booked an appointment to start the process of application of services at the doomsday province. Couldn't wait to get there.
Now what?

The decision was made, resignations made, friends and family were informed, and all I had to hang onto was this discussion between me and God. Now that's logical! Good thing I had a history to this friendship. He was an honest friend, and had never let me down. I had to lean into His voice with trust and a sense of faith like I had never experienced in my life.

Why oh why had I ever prayed to be bold and courageous???

Could we just rewind the tape, and put everything back to the way it was? You know, rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby?
Nope. Too late.

You never get to a miracle by going back to the way it was.
1st ingredient for a miracle:

Have an impossible situation.

So, in the fall of 2005, we started planning and packing for the big scary move. The months of transition proved to be difficult. Transition includes emotions like:

God, what have I done?
Why? What is going to happen to me, to us?
But I will be losing this! I will miss that!
I can't see anything coming down the road
I think I might be losing my mind

Since that time, I've done some research on transition and discovered that these are necessary steps in order to truly move forward and advance. Transition also includes things like confusion, doubt and grief. All necessary emotions to fully process and not stuff, in order to truly let go and move forward. I liken transition to something like leaping off a cliff or a trapeze bar into mid air.

If you want to read more about transition, go to this post or to this one.
Once again... I digress... back to the story.

Around the same time as we were packing and saying our goodbye's.. my dad was across the other side of the country out for a walk. One crisp fall day, he decided to take a long walk down the street he lived on. As he scurried along the street, (Yup, my dad scurries, he doesn't stroll, and hence, neither do I. Don't you love it when you can blame one of your annoying traits on your parents?!), he ~~scurried~~ walked by an office called:

Bethesda
Supporting individuals with disabilities and their families since 1971

Huh! He thought.
Maybe I should see what this is about.? Maybe they have a place like this in Kelowna? I should go see what this place is about.

So, in he went. My dad's not a shy man. What could it hurt to inquire?

In the office, he introduced himself to a man named Bert. Little did my dad know, but this man was the Director of the Organization. My dad proceeded to introduce himself, tell a brief synopsis of his granddaughter and her needs and the fact that she and her family were moving to Kelowna. He inquired as to whether there were services provided by this organization.
Dad doesn't recall other details of the encounter and it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that my dad asked for this gentleman's card, so that he could let me know about Bethesda. That was it.

Simple as that.
Card received and placed in a spot to keep for when Dad would eventually see me.

Just a simple walk on the street where he lived, noticing a spot, a simple stop, a simple question, and a contact card - from the Director of Bethesda.

Off down the road my Dad went. Enjoying the journey, with a new found piece of paper in his pocket.

Remember yesterday, when I said today was the rest of the story... well, that was a bit inaccurate. It was some of the rest of the story. Tomorrow, is where it gets really good.

The Making of a Miracle Part 1

2011-10-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer:

If you're not one for long blog posts, you may want to skip this one. The following is a story of a miracle that I experienced first hand. This spectacular story deserves the full details. (hence the length). Today commemorates 4 years since a miracle began for me. It's time for me to write the story.

I've heard a lot of stories of superstition and doom around Friday the 13th. That's not my experience.

Friday the 13th was a day of a miracle in the making for me. If you don't believe in God, you may want to after reading this story. I do, and since this miracle, will forever be reminded that there is a God and He sees me and cares about my life.

Five years ago, on Friday October the 13th, my entire life journey was about to shift. The miraculous kind of shift. I didn't do anything to deserve it, AND I will be forever grateful.

I was blessed with a gift that many do not receive. A special needs child. A severely developmentally delayed, physically disabled, medically fragile, constant care, pure-hearted, simple-minded, high needs, giggly, gorgeous child. Don't feel sorry for me. She has been the one of greatest gift in my life and has created the most amount of positive change for both myself and my family. She has taught me daily how to choose a perspective that will bring life and hope, despite the odds. She is my life long teacher. Her name is Lindsay. (aka - Sweet Pea).

Where do I begin to tell the story of a miracle in the making?
I'll start with the Master set up.

About 4 years before the miracle, my parents decided to be courageous and adventurous and move far from their life-long stomping grounds and head to Western Canada; to a land of freedom and adventure. Their friends thought they were a wee bit whacked and could not understand how they could no longer be available nearby to support my family and the overwhelming needs of Lindsay. I chose to be excited for them. I knew deep in my gut that this was the right thing for them to do. I basically told them to get out of town and enjoy their retirement. I had a deep sense that I (we) would be just fine. And we were.

We eventually visited the West too - and fell in love with Kelowna, BC. We felt drawn there and didn't really know why. It wasn't where my parents (or anyone we knew) lived. It just felt like home. But wait - we had a home! What was up? It really didn't make sense. The draw was so strong that we found ourselves thinking about living in Kelowna.

Sounds simple right? Ah, I think not. Not when you have a special needs child. NOTHING is simple, let alone hauling all the way across the country to a new province, social system, health system, school system. A near impossible feat is what it could be. Here's where it gets exciting (scary, wild, ridiculous, crazy).

I've always been able to talk to God. It sure beats talking to yourself!! He's like my best friend and through the years with Lindsay; He heard A LOT from me and this journey that was chosen for me. He's a great listener. I've come to learn that He can take anything we need to say to Him and what He likes even more, is to talk back to us. Give it a try some time! Go ahead - yell, scream, talk out loud, in your head, whatever way... just talk and then stop and listen. You'll be surprised at what you hear. I guarantee it. Anyway, I digress, on with the story.

One day, early July 2005, I was talking to God about these ridiculous, crazy feelings we were having about the West. I pointed out to Him that I would just like these thoughts to go away. Didn't He know that it was impossible with Lindsay?
Besides that - I was perfectly happy with where I was. I was grateful. We were content. We had good friends, great jobs and an awesome home. I had just received more funding for Lindsay and was dreaming and creating a long term and plan and "wish-list" for Lindsay's dream home maybe 10 or 20 years down the road.

Why on earth did we have this draw to Kelowna. BC?

This is Ridiculous. Impossible. Crazy.
And yet... my mind and heart would wander. So - as usual, I blurted out my thoughts and logic to God one day, while I was sitting on the couch, folding laundry and attending to my sweet pea.

This is what He said to me:

I don't want you to consider Lindsay in the decision to move or not. I'll consider her. Don't you do anything or look into anything for her as you make a decision.
She is not to be the deciding factor.

Well you might just as well have asked me to cut my legs off and then asked me to run a marathon. EVERYTHING I did in life, whether work or pleasure, included a mandatory consideration of Lindsay.

Who would watch her? How would I pay for it?

I bore you with the details, but suffice to say, NO activity could occur without considering her needs first. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it was. Through it, I learned to organize, administrate, stretch, manage and advocate in ways that exceeded any formal training.

I asked Him back:
Don't consider her? Don't do or even look into anything? Not even a phone call to inquire?

He said:
Nope. Don't.
[insert a BIG, scaredy cat sigh from me]

Was I crazy? Did I hear right? Yup. You see I had become very familiar with His voice. He had earned the status of best friend, because talking to Him kept me sane through ~~hundreds~~, no, thousands of the longest, most painful, stressful, agonizing days of my life. No... I'm not kidding... He kept me sane. (sometimes by just a hair).

Friends love us like no other - they "get us". They will listen to us rant and rave and tolerate our faults. They can see things that we cannot and can hold hope for us even when we are hopeless.In that moment, I knew beyond all logic, that I could trust this voice of my best friend.

2 months of agonizing over this mysterious draw to Kelowna ended in our decision. We were going to move. Now what?

The decision was made and I........ had NO plan, no consideration for Lindsay. I had nothing for her. (this coming from the woman who always has a plan).

Tomorrow...... the rest of the story.

Firm Foundation

2011-06-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

Leadership is just like building a house. We have to put the planning and effort into building a firm foundation or the whole house is doomed. Without a firm foundation, a house can become a nightmare, a money pit or even worse, it can eventually crumble.
So it is with leadership.
Here’s what I think are some key components to a solid leadership foundation:

Get the right plan

Meet with the Master Builder of your life. Talk about His dreams and design for you as a leader. Discover the design and commit to the building process.
There are no short cuts.
Great builders use great precision and planning, the right skills and supplies to create a quality product. It’s good to remember that it may take a while before the plan becomes solid and clear. This is not wasted time, but a necessary investment.
Know how you are created. Ask God to reveal your unique design and purpose to you.
Who are you as a leader?
Who is God calling you to be?
What is your foundational calling, your values, goals? Keep to this. Don’t mix in anything extra.

Dig out the land

Do what it takes. Spend the time with God, the Kind Excavator.
Sometimes there are big “rocks” that God needs to clear from your heart. Don’t be afraid of that removal process. Invest the energy and effort it takes to get the land of your heart cleared free from obstacles and debris so that it is ready for God to lay the foundation for your leadership future. Healthy leaders spend time to grow in their emotional intelligence and pursue excellence from the inside out.

Set the footings and forms in place

It is impossible to form a foundation without these. Otherwise the cement has no shape, no purpose. It would just be blobs of hard rock.
What are the support structures you need in place to pour a really good foundation for you as a leader?
Create healthy habits by surrounding yourself with good counsel as the Master Builder sets these forms in place. It’s being accountable to His plan for your life.
How can you learn from other leadership lessons?
What are “must have” support structures for you as you establish this life-long foundation?
Prepare for greatness.

Pour the cement and let it set

It’s important to get the ingredients right. We need the right amount of concrete (solid word, truth, purpose, and determination), the right amount of water (word, spiritual formation, and soul care), the right mixing tools (training, skills, etc.) And of course, timing is everything! Leadership isn’t learned in a day, it’s a commitment to life-long learning. God’s timing is perfect. Often we are in a rush to graduate to a new stage of leadership, when He knows that we would be more solid if we let ourselves “sit a while” in the current stage.

Wherever you are in your leadership process and development – be encouraged.
God, the Master Builder and Planner are with you, constructing a magnificent masterpiece.

Blessed

2011-05-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today I drive in heavy torrential rains and I see abundance of water
I know this torrent brings moisture for seedlings, and bird baths and lakes and just for me
And I am blessed
I lay back in my seat and observe the magnificent variations of green
I take a deep breath, in and out, in and out, almost rhythmically
I can feel the sacredness in the forest. A place that speaks of majesty and awe
It speaks of of watching and waiting and wonder and life
I am blessed

I find abundance and beauty and creativity as I drive for hours
I discover sea after sea of trees, standing tall, reaching to the sky and hands raised high with voices that say:
Look up!
I pull my eyes and heart upward
I see brightness, open space, a canvas that calls to imagination.
And I dream
I dream of old, I dream of future and I dream of fantasies and possibilities.
Then, I breathe and say - I am blessed

Here in this day - I see it
I see the wonder, the majesty, the simplicity and the profound
I acknowledge the blessing from the Creator who has made this for me.
I breathe and I say:
Thank you for reminding me of the gifts of water and rain and soaking and waiting for sunshine and growth to come

Gratitude

2011-05-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's Monday and for many of us, it's back to work, back to the grind. Some days it's harder than others to press into all that is in front of us at the beginning of the week.

Today, I found myself stuck in the perspective of : "Aaaaaargh! It's Monday! I don't want to....."
Then, I took a moment to visit the very popular site called: A Holy Experience by Canadian, Anne Voskamp. What a woman of influence!

In a moment, the music drew me into a place of peace and contentment. Then, the images captured my heart and dispelled all the frustrating and discontented thoughts that were rolling through my heart and mind. I took a deep breath and felt the discontentment dissipate. I began to notice the good and what I CAN do and who I CAN be.

You really ought to take a visit to this site. In it you will find something that your heart needs. Something that will set your mind back on course and purpose.
Now, in this moment. I see differently. I see that I have so very much to be grateful for.
grat·i·tude
–noun
the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

Anne is offering a Weekly Gratitude Booklet … download and print 7 Gifts: Good and Perfect to write down 7 gifts each day, for each day of the week — becoming thanks to God! Thanks for this wonderful gift Anne!
Bless you in all that you do and more importantly, for who you are.

Do It Afraid

2011-04-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

How courageous are you ..... really?

Courage has been a key word in my life for over 10 years now. It is something that I am being called into and quite frankly, so are you.

Thesaurus.com gives us great insight into this somewhat mysterious, exciting, and sometimes scary word:

Main Entry:	courage
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	boldness, braveness
Synonyms:	adventuresomeness, adventurousness, audacity, backbone, bravery, bravura, daring, dash, dauntlessness, determination, endurance, enterprise, fearlessness, firmness, fortitude, gallantry, gameness, grit, guts, hardihood, heroism, intrepidity, lion-heartedness, mettle, nerve, pluck, power, prowess, recklessness, resolution, spirit, spunk, stoutheartedness, temerity, tenacity, valor.

Courage takes alot. I mean look at all the words above!!! It ain't no easy peasy thing. Nothing great comes with ease. It does require one thing though.... not letting fear lead.

My friend, Shari posted a great quote this week on facebook. It said:

"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers and decided to go forward anyway!"

My friend Sharon has an axiom that says: Do It Afraid.

What is something that you would do or say, if you just had more courage?
What is holding you back?

I love this verse found in Acts. 4

¹³ When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

I love it because it means, that courage does not mean that I have it all together. I can be ordinary. It means that I leave fear behind, have faith and trust that God is with me. Then - I go for it!!!

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein
We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Winston Churchill
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

Sometimes courage means saying yes OR saying no. Sometimes it means boundaries, sometimes is means being reckless, sometimes is means creating a plan and sticking to it.

What does courage mean to you?

I'm Just Sayin' !

2011-02-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

I have almost never been speechless. Don't blame me, it's my genetic "blessing". I haven't met a quiet Redner yet. (Redner was my maiden name). Our clan has the "chat" gene.
The Redner women in particular have a particular calling to articulate. It's a gift, you don't need to thank me, just thank God.

Although I appear to have been speechless and silent on my blog. I still have alot to say. I've just been saying it in different ways AND I've been learning to listen even more. My desire to be a certified life coach has catapulted me into the realm of using words from a different perspective. I'm learning to ask alot more "what" and "how" questions as opposed to just rambling on.
I think my family may just benefit from it all! I'm sure my husband will be grateful.

Today as I was at work I had an axiom come to my mind.
You don't know what an axiom is?????????

Neither did I till I read a book that Bill Hybels wrote about them.
Axiom means:

a generally accepted proposition or principle, sanctioned by experience; maxim

a universally established principle or law that is not a necessary truth: the axioms of politics

a self-evident statement

So, basically, in you and me terms, it means:

What's your saying? What are some things you've learned and then put to a slogan or a grouping of words? They are usually nuggets of wisdom or reminders of a principle that you have learned through experience. It may mean nothing to someone else, but it speaks volumes to you.

I realized today that I have a few axioms, but have never written them down anywhere. I'm going to have to going hunting for a few of them in my old journals or worse yet in that thing we call a memory.

I decided today that I wanted to start writing down my axioms. Why don't you too?
They are invaluable to us personally and possibly for generations after us.

Here's a few of mine:

The best things in life are free, but necessarily easy
Rest is a weapon
Contentment is a state of BEING, not doing or having
Have you ever tried to play hide and seek with God? He always lets you find Him
Give yourself permission to fail. Then, wipe the dust off yourself and GET BACK UP and try again. It's only failure if you stop trying.

What are some of yours?

Gifts

2010-12-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

Its almost Christmas, and the thoughts of family, fun and gifts of love are ever present on the minds of many.
We have incredible gifts presented to us each and every day and in every season... IF we choose to recognize and receive them.
This year, I have received many gifts. Some came by a passionate pursuit, some by surprise and others by making a choice and finding a gift at the end of the road.

Here are some of the invaluable gifts I've received this year:

vocalizing and pursuing dreams
a new son
learning the power of choice
letting go
hanging on
writing songs of hope amidst the fog of a storm
perseverance
waiting
leaping into the unknown and landing on new ground
finding love in new places
seeing beauty in every day
knowing you (that's right, you are a gift!)
God truly knowing me and loving me like no other

What is your list of invaluable gifts?

Moving Forward

2010-12-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

My life has been very full and rewarding of late. I have learned things I never knew and discovered and enjoyed things I never thought possible. I have learned more about who I am meant to be, discovered the power of choices and learned to let go, look at things differently, and move forward.

You and I only have one life to live, and I believe we are meant to be all that God has intended. In order to do that, sometimes we need help discovering our purpose and putting actions to our dreams.

Since July, I have been in professional training to be a certified coach. I keep being asked, "What is a professional coach or a life coach?"
So, here's an answer for you.

A coach creates a space for clients where they are listened to, discovered and celebrated. A coach works with clients to help them discover the greatness within them, call them forward and to help them discover and pursue their dreams and goals. It is about personal or corporate development and advancement. My goal is to inspire others towards living life to the fullest, whether in their personal lives, as a team or corporately. Coaching can be offered on various levels.

Coaching Executives
Co-active coaching provides executives a space in which powerful, healthy, conversations can unfold in service of confronting habitual thinking that stifles innovation. These skills are not controlling or demanding, but instead foster an attitude full of encouragement and belief in oneself and the other.

Coaching Individuals
Coaching creates a powerful dynamic relationship between two people. However, rather than instruct, advise or problem solve, the job of the coach is to ask questions, listen and empower. Co-active coaches believe their clients are already great and it’s their job to provide support to enhance the skills, resources and creativity the client already has to achieve extraordinary results.

Coaching within Organizations
Coaching has rapidly become recognized as a powerful strategy for effectively increasing human development and retention within organizations. Internal Co-active coaches can set the foundation of working relationships that maximize individual engagement, team commitment and results.

Coaching for Impact
In a business climate where people are required to do more with less, the ability to communicate and form effective working relationships is proving to be the key to career advancement. Co-active Coaching offers these skills by uniquely demonstrating how to master effective conversation without compromising what you want, who you are, or treading on other people in the process.

If you want to know more, you can email me at cheryl@inspirelife.ca

It's Time

2010-11-22T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's time for a new post. It was time months ago. But I.... did not make or take the time to invest in this pleasure I call writing.
None the less, I have taken the time to enjoy life to the fullest. Life has been good, full and interesting.

What does it look like for you you to live your life to the fullest? To be fully engaged in each day?

To me, it looks like:

learning
loving
laughing
seeing
believing
stretching
inspiring
breathing
savoring
celebrating
acknowledging
trusting

What does it look like to you?

Be inspired,
Cheryl

Memories

2010-06-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

I awoke a bit earlier this morning so that I could take the time to snip a few blooms from my peony bush. I stepped out onto the moist sidewalk in the early morning air, eagerly waiting to choose from all the beautiful buds. I harvested two beauties and headed inside to make an arrangement to enjoy on my desk. In that moment, I remembered my Grandma Purves.

Her back yard was lined with peonies. As a child, going to her home on the river was a trip into a fantasy world. In that place, I was a princess and I explored nature with a woman of grace and tenderness. Her home represented an oasis away from the every day life. My life was already great as a child, but going to Grandma's became almost magical.

She loved to garden and I would spend hours outside with her, barefoot in the garden, harvesting delicious treasures to eat and store away for the long winter days. I would nibble little morsels of vegetables and fruits as I "helped" Grandma with her gardening chores.
Somehow I would wander away from the garden and end up at the rivers edge or better yet, I would end up laying in the grass, mystified by the puffy white cloud shapes passing in front of my eyes. All the while, Grandma stayed steady, hoeing and harvesting.

Sometimes I would head the opposite direction towards the back of the garage. This was an area of beauty. Peony bushes grew in abundance along the run down building. They also extended onto the lawn and created a natural fence from the neighbors. I would walk along the peonies, in awe of their beauty and wondered how a flower could be so large.
Then, I would spot the myriad of ants scurrying in and out of the velvety petals as though they were running through a maze. Later as an adult I learned that the ants were necessary to open the buds, but as a child, I just thought my Grandma had a huge insect issue that she needed to attend to.
This walk along the peonies became a royal walkway in my princess mind. It was a place of majesty. In it, I felt loved, cherished, and a sense of awe and wonder. Beauty and comfort surrounded me. The sun was shining and I was loved.... life was good.

Now, when I see peonies, those memories and thoughts come flooding back. Unfortunately, there are many things in our lives that can bring back "bad" memories, but I choose to fill my life with memories of the "good old days". I choose to keep the memories alive by keeping reminders nearby. And once again, I re live my days of youth and feel like Grandma is right near by, with thoughts of love.

What's a great memory that you have?

What do you do to keep it alive?

Breathtaking Beauty

2010-06-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

This week in staff devotionals, we were watching a DVD with Donald Miller on it. He said a statement that practically made me stand up an yell..... "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (kinda charismatic, I know. And hey, Don, forgive me if I didn't quote you exactly)

He said:

We were born to create and defend beauty

What a brilliant statement, and one that resonated with my heart, mind and soul.
Recently I have been going to a life coach and through a process I discovered that one of the thing that I "need" is to be surrounded by beauty. I am motivated by beauty and I need to create beauty, whether is be in an environment, or with others and observing the beauty in them.
Beauty for me, comes in different forms:

visual
sounds
smells
touch

Just give me some beauty in some way, every day. It's like steroids for my soul. I can often be heard saying things like:
"What a beauty day!" or "Beauty!!" (that means I really like it)
So, for the past while, I have intentionally sought out to include beauty even more in my life or take time to notice the beauty in every day. It brings me great happiness.
I think I'm going to do regular posts that are filled with inspiring pics and thoughts of beauty.
I think I'll call them Breathtaking Beauty, unless someone can give me a better suggestion.

Here are some glimpses of beauty that has been surrounding me of late.
(Be patient.. there are alot. Some of these pics are for my friends from far away who've been asking what my gardens look like)

As a surprise for Mother's Day, my oldest daugther went out and picked a HUGE amount of lilacs and carefully placed them in vases. I arrived home to the house filled with a glorious scent and my table full of arrangements. Here's a few.

I laid on my bed staring at this one for about an hour and thought... aside from bee's gathering pollen. What is the purpose of a lilac bush, except to bring sights and scents of beauty to us humans.

I know what you're thinking... I'm spoiled.. I know, and I love it!

I love this little beauty, she's my sweet pea and she gives the best contagious smiles and giggles on the earth.

Did you just gasp?! I'll bet you did! This is the view from my deck after a spring rain in Kelowna. Breathtaking Beauty.

Hot water, is a beautiful thing. (especially after you have been in Africa and have not showered for 10 days) Being in a hot tub, staring at the mountains, listening to an orchestra of birds is magnificent beauty.

For me, driving to and from work is a beautiful thing. It's like nothing I have ever experienced.

I had to put one more rainbow pic in.... the colors were truly this bright... I'm not even joking.

Last, but certainly not least... a smile or look of love... it a timeless beauty. This is my silver fox, and when he smiles, or if, like in this picture, his eyes are only smiling... well, it takes my breath away.

Marvelous Muffin Memories

2010-05-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

Me and muffins get along really well. They are a trademark of the Molenaar home. Ever since I was first married, I have enjoyed making muffins. My kids spent many hours at my kitchen counter with me, making muffins. I used to make teenie tiny little muffins for them to stuff a bit of nutrition and goodness into their small tummies. Sending them to school with a little muffin felt like I was sending a bit of comfort and love from mom wrapped in a delicious batter.

Muffin making started out as a adventure to learn to be domesticated and to "wow" my husband.
Then, as I was making them, God would bring someone to mind who needed prayer. All of a sudden, they became more than just muffins. It became an opportunity to create, think, ponder and pray.

Sometimes I knew who they were for, sometimes they were just for me, or for us. Other times they were a token of love and prayers for those who were struggling, in need or just feeling ill or down.
Our family has many marvelous memories of chats over muffins and tea or coffee. I think every one we have ever mentored has a Molenaar Muffin Memory. A bit of comfort food, warm tea, a listening ear, a word of encouragement blended with some wisdom truth goes a long way towards investing in someone else's future.

Over the years, I've learned to "store up" for times of need. When the impulse to bake comes upon me, I open my freezer and go on a treasure hunt for the sorry looking, black bananas that get lost and buried under other frozen goods. The more black, the better the muffin.

Some times when you open my freezer, there is a carnage of dead bananas everywhere! Every once in while my husband gets fed up with avalanche of bananas that try to escape from the freezer. So, he pulls out a few huge large freezer bags and gathers them carefully, knowing that they are preserved treasures that produce tantalizing morsels. He'll remind me nicely that there a lot of bananas in the freezer. Then he asks the question:

"When are you gonna make some more muffins?"
"Soon" I say.

Then, a day or many days later, the urge hits me, and I pull out all the blackened bananas, and make a triple or quadruple batch. I start thinking and humming and sometimes I ask:

"Who will enjoy these morsels God?" or
"Who are you thinking about God? What do they need?
"Can You blend in a big dose of love and encouragement into this batter?"

He can, He always does. And that is what turns these muffins into something more.... something marvelous.

Helen Keller said:

Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Everyone can understand the language of kindness, and sometimes it can come in the form of a muffin.
(Recipe below picture)

Marvelous Banana Muffins

3 large bananas (I use really ripe ones that have been frozen and gone black)
3/4 c. white sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. all purpose flour
1/3 melted butter (don't use margarine... its not as good)

Mash bananas. Add sugar and slightly beaten egg.
Add the melted butter.
Add the dry ingredients and bake at 375 for 20 min.

Cheryl's adjustments:

Often I substitute 50% of the butter for applesauce to reduce fat.
The ones above, I used 1/2 whole wheat flour and 1/2 regular flour.
And I dumped a blump of natural bran. Yup.. a blump.
If I had to guess
the measurement, I would say.... hmmm... 1 blump = 1/2 c.

Sometimes I add chocolate chips into the batter or put a few little
morsels on the top of the muffin.
I almost ALWAYS use paper muffin cups... cause I hate clean up!

Enjoy!

Mama Mia!

2010-05-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

I love food. I love to cook it, I love to eat it, I love to look at great photos of it, I love to share it, I love to read about it, I just like it.
I can't believe God created such an incredible variety of foods to enjoy. Not only that, but we get to be creative with how we blend foods together. My favorite part of cooking is that I get to create something of beauty and enjoyment, not only to look at, but to smell and taste and share with others.
How fun is that?
So, here is what I made for dinner tonight.
It started with some of this....

Yup... boring whole wheat pasta.
Then, I opened my fridge and looked for ideas to place upon this sticky somewhat healthy carb goodness.

I started with chicken breast that had been marinating for a few days... and about 15 minutes later, it looked like this.

The recipe you ask? Well... that's a bit of a problem, you see I don't follow recipes all that much. Sometimes I start with one, but then have this compulsion to enhance, build upon or creatively adjust it to make it mine.
So, for those of you that need to know (AL, HF and MA) here is what I can remember. I call it Ooooooh Momma Mia Pasta!!!!!

Momma Mia Pasta
Simmer 3 chicken breasts, add a bit of water to keep it from sticking to the pan.
Throw the rest of the stuff below into the pan and keep simmering until it smells good:

1 onion, chopped
A splash of white wine
Leftover brushetta (about 1/3 cup)
A handful each of fresh herbs from the garden, chopped (basil, parsley and oregano)
4-5 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 yellow pepper
3 roasted red peppers from a jar, chopped
Leftover red pepper /eggplant spread (about 2 tbsp.)
Fresh spinach.. I don't know, about 3-4 Cheryl size handfuls
Add 2 splurts of milk from the milk jug. You heard me.. splurts...

Near the end, add some cheese, I had about 1/3 of a small container of Romano... so, plop it went, into the pan. I saved a bit to sprinkle on the top to make it look like something you order from a restaurant.

Mmmmmmmuah! Momma Mia, was it good!!! I wish I could say some other Italian words.. but I got nuthin!

I put it into some lovely pasta bowls my kids gave me for Christmas and snapped a shot from my iphone.

Goodness, yumminess creativity, beauty, fragrance, carbs and some nutrition all in one dish!

God Bless You with Foolishness to Believe

2010-05-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Franciscan Prayer

Shantie Songs

2010-04-14T19:58:00.001-07:00

This week my family and I went to Trinity Baptist Church to see the Okanagan Symphony Orchestra and Glenmore Elementary School perform "How Canada Came to Be: A Story of You and Me"

It was wonderful. I love live music, especially the orchestra type. Those musicians amaze me with their dedication to their craft. I also received a history lesson by song and story. The kids at
Glenmore Elementary School did any amazing job. It was obvious they spent many hours learning and preparing. There was some tremendously gifted kids there.

At one point in the presentation, the kids told stories and showed pictures about how the railroad finally came to BC and how it opened up the ability to send lumber to other provinces. So, loggers would go deep into the woods and sing "shanties" to help bring light hearted joy to their day.

Shanties are the work songs that were used on the square-rigged ships of the Age of Sail. Their rhythms coordinated the efforts of many sailors hauling on lines. Much loved by modern sailors and folk musicians, they are rarely used as work songs today. This is because modern rigging doesn't require many people to be working in the same rhythm for long periods. Loggers sang shantie songs as well as they were deep in the woods of BC.

Monday night I realized, singing while working has been in our DNA since Canada started.

When I heard this, my heart immediately said, "Yes, Shantie songs!"

There were no radios and ipods and itunes back in the 1800's. All they had was each other and their imagination. Music is a gift in so many ways. It can keep you focused, remind you of a truth, keep you cheerful and even bring a smile.
One of my "quirks" is that I sing.... all day long. I try to keep it quiet and in my head... but often it bursts out into the atmosphere. Luckily I have very patient co workers who tolerate my continuos singing and humming. I often say: "I just can't help myself!"

Often, I will sing one line, over and over and over as if my subconscious is trying to get me to learn something. Of late, its been only a few lines:

"I've got a feelin, today's gonna be a good day.
Today's gonna be a good day, today's gonna be a good good day."

I even have it as my alarm ring, and I'll tell you what, I awake happy and humming this to myself and my family as I prepare for another day.

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think (sing, hum) about such things."

What "shantie song" are you singing of late? How has it helped you?

He is for you

2010-02-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

Did you know that God is for you? Yup. He is. At ever moment of every day, no matter where you are at.... He is for you.
Don't believe me - Read from this favorite chapter of mine found in the bible.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.
⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

Recommended Worship

2010-02-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I suggested some worship to you. I've told lots of my friends here in Kelowna... but I forgot to tell my blogger friends.

Here is what I've been listening to for the past few weeks. Neither album is new, but oh so good.

1. Kari Jobe
This first one from Kari Jobe is my newest purchase. She reminds me of Kathryn Scott and I LOVE this album. Its only $9.99 on itunes... go on...treat yourself. Fresh worship is worth EVERY cent, and it blesses the artist too.

2. Jesus Culture Music (most specifically Kim Walker)

I've been just loving this album of late as well. I've had it for a number of months, but for some reason I'm glued to it. My favorites for the past 2 weeks have been Holy and You Are Faithful.
So good, and worth every cent as well.

That's all.. hope you enjoy!

Are you hanging on?

2010-02-04T15:04:00.000-08:00

Change and transition is hard and scares most people. I've written about it a few times in the past few weeks and have certainly heard it spoken about (even at my church) alot.
Is this you? Are you hanging on so you can feel safe? I'm asking myself the same question.

Gratitude Monday

2010-01-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Its been WAY too long since I've done a Gratitude Monday post.

I found a great post about the power of gratitude, click here to read it.

Stephen Post, Ph.D., from Cleveland, Ohio says that this is what gratitude does.

Gratitude:

1. Defends

2. Sharpens

3. Calms

4. Strengthens

5. Heals

Here's my totally random list of things I'm grateful for this Monday:

My sons laugh, its contagious...

Second chances...

My new red boots (yay for Christmas money!)...

The crunchy sound of raw carrots when you munch on them...

Sun that shines so bright I have to grab my son's sunglasses and put them on!...

Laughter, its good medicine....

Color. Can you imagine if everything was black and white?

Simple Inspiration

2010-01-14T18:59:00.000-08:00

You have to check out this blog. Of course, if you're a guy, you may not appreciate it quite as much as I do.
This site causes me to worship because it is filled with beautiful pictures and recipes that make me want to create culinary delights and to stop and enjoy and celebrate the simple things in life.
It inspires me to be creative and to celebrate simplicity and beauty in nature and others. I never knew chopped garlic could look so beautiful!
I made these on the weekend and it created an explosion of taste that was exquisite. This is worship. God created nature and foods for us to enjoy. Take time to stop and enjoy and see the beauty that is as close as your kitchen counter.

God has wired us each to be creative in different ways. What are the simple things in life that inspire you to be grateful for and enjoy?

Thanks Pioneer Woman.

Change: Part 2

2010-01-09T10:24:00.000-08:00

I cannot get over how many posts and articles I have discovered in the past week that are about change and transition and letting go. In order for change to occur, we have to let go of some things to grab onto the new. Whenever I hear the word change or transition I see a picture of someone leaping like an acrobat from one bar, letting go and leaping in faith to the new bar that is waiting. (see my post on CHANGE)

For those who have ears to hear: listen to what He is saying to the church.

Here are a few posts that I recommend you check out:

Sean Feucht: The T Word: A Prophetic Word for the New Year
Craig Groschel : The One Thing to Let Go Of
Cheryl Molenaar: Transition
Seth Godin: Welcome to the frustration decade (and the decade of change)

This morning as I was making my world famous banana muffins, and I was contemplating the restlessness I feel in the air all around me, this scripture came to my mind from Romans 8.

The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.

I urge you to have the courage to let go of anything that God wants you to let go of, so that you can leap and reach for the greater and higher that awaits you. It takes strength, it takes agility, it takes risk, it takes faith and courage. Let Him lead you into it.

Live in the Moment

2010-01-07T12:30:00.000-08:00

My husband Sid, he's a keeper. One of the things that I admire about him is his willingness to allow God to change his perspective. He of course, didn't even know that I had written about change on my blog.
He has a group of people that he sends thoughts to via email on a regular basis.
Here is today's entry for you to enjoy.

As I was laying on my bed meditating prior to the closing of another day, I began to thank my Father of all the things he has changed in my heart over the past year. One of those changes that stand out the most is how to live in the moment.

I often live in the future, planning my days, weeks, and months, trying to figure out how the bills are going to get paid, how to find new business, what should or shouldn’t happen at church or how this relationship should happen or change… Thinking back, at the beginning of 2009 all we heard was the gloom that was forecasted in regards to the worlds financial future. Although this did have an impact on our lives, we still managed, as did many others.

The truth is that not one of us would have known the end of the year even if we had the most intimate relationship with our heavenly Father. If Jesus did not know his future, then I do not think we will either. If knowing our future was necessary, then the Father would tell us, and in some cases He does but more often He doesn't. Why?

Because we don’t need to know, we need to trust the Father as Jesus did. Jesus said not to be concerned about tomorrow for today has enough problems of its own and that worrying changes not even a minute of our day. If I focused on the "what if's" of my future, I will miss the beautiful lessons of life in the day.

Learning to live in the moment has forced me to trust in the love the Father has for me. He is my provider, He will help me navigate through relationships that are good and or difficult and He will give the grace to enjoy the day or grace to endure the day. I find when I focus on today it is easier to live in the moment.

Be Inspired
Sid Molenaar

Change Is In The Air

2010-01-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

Can you tell?

Well, if you don't follow my blog frequently you wouldn't even notice. Just to fill you in, I've changed my blog background a few times in the past few weeks.

Its really just an indication in the natural of what is going on inside my mind and heart. Change is in the air. Its coming. Don't know what it is, but I can tell its coming.
Each of us have little triggers or reactions when we sense change is coming. Not all of us even like change. That's OK. Change still comes whether we like it or not, so I for one want to always learn new ways to adapt and adjust so that I can move with the times and wind of change.

Here's a few indicators for me that change is coming:

Discontentment of where things are at right now.
A desire to study or learn, even though you are not sure why. (This has always been great preparation for the future).
A burst of creative thinking.
Discovery of inspiring thoughts or ideas from previously unknown sources.
A willingness to want to adjust, even though it seems impossible or uncomfortable.
Clarity of personal mission and vision.

God always moves us onto greater things, but it requires a willingness on my part to let go and leap. Each time I sense change is coming, I see this type of picture in my mind.

What do you see? What do you feel? What are the indicators of change for you?

The Best Is Yet To Come

2010-01-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

¹⁴For this reason I kneel before the Father,
¹⁵from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.
¹⁶I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
¹⁸may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

You are known by God. Your name comes from Him. He has great plans for you.
The best is yet to come. Do you believe?

A Heavenly Moment

2009-11-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we get to experience what I call "heaven on earth".
You know; those moments that are tender, precious and overwhelming. They come with and a rush of unexpected emotion.

Today, I went with my daughter to look at wedding dresses. I have dreamed of this day, ever since she was born. All the years of waiting and anticipation were upon me. Both of us went, not really expecting to find "the dress" but really looking forward to trying on loads of beautiful gowns and all the fun it would bring.
My daughter looked spectacular in each one and I knew she was enjoying every moment in every dress. She loves being a woman, and that makes me happy. She is a strong, delicate, complicated, intricate, passionate young woman who brings me more joy than my words will ever be able to express.

After two bridal shops, countless dresses and 5 hours of fun, something happened. We saw "the one"
When I saw it, I gasped and spontaneously breathed her name. It had everything she and I both loved.
After trying on other dresses, it was time for this breathless one.

Out she came, and her eyes went from "I'm having so much fun" to "I have found the one"

What a joy to see the spontaneous smile that couldn't be wiped off her face even if you tried. Her chatter went from normal into over drive. She couldn't stop talking about it. She couldn't stop saying, "I like this one, I like it alot"
Then, her eyes became moist with tears of joy and I spontaneously responded only a second behind her.

All of a sudden, the room started getting too crowded for me (as there were other brides and people there) The chatter of a room full of happy women became louder than I could handle.
Something was happening to me. "This room was too small for us all" I thought. I needed help.

I pushed past my fear of what others would think and spoke up:
"Can I have some time alone with Alyssa?" I said.
Immediately a hush hit everyone and they softly said "Sure. Yes, sure!"

This was my moment, our moment, a heavenly moment.
I knew that this was a treaure that I would never forget and never again be able to repeat. I needed to enjoy every second, every word, every look, every moment. This was our moment.

I had her swish and swirl. I had her pose this way and that. Then, I asked her to sit right down on the carpet and I arranged the dress around her precious body. Here, sat my priceless treasure, that was as pretty as a princess.
We smiled, we cried, we imagined the day and we dreamed of how the groom would respond to her beauty.

All of a sudden, my eyes saw my toddler daughter. I saw the innocence of her childhood and I had flashbacks of her looking at me when she was but a babe. I saw the eyes that used to look at me with trust and love. This was a heavenly moment, and one that I will never, ever forget.

Dreams do come true, if you only believe. Today, I experienced heaven here on earth. I am the richest person on earth. It was worth the wait.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

2009-11-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

When I awoke this morning, this was the first clear thought on my mind and heart after a night of blissful dreaming and sleep. It is good to take time out to celebrate and enjoy the simple things in life.

Embrace the moment, celebrate today.

We live in such a busy society where we are always working towards something in the future. Obviously this is necessary but it can't be where all of our thoughts and energies are. We also need to live in the moment. We need to enjoy some of the best things in life that are free and only require our attention to notice.

I love to do this. I love to escape from the everyday tasks and in my mind, celebrate the things that bring me joy. Sometimes they are things that I have experience that day or a previous one.
Here's my list for today of some of the best things:

the soft kiss of a child
infectious laughter that creates a spontaneous response
morning sun that shines so bright you have to squint
watching a newborn baby stretch
the sound of silence
walking through a garden center and admiring the lovely colored blooms and creative arrangements
the sound of waves gently swishing on shore
the sound of an acoustic guitar being played softly
hearing kind words spoken to me or about someone I love
the ability to hum and sing
snuggling on a big cushy chair with a hot tea
brilliant colors
the smell of my husbands cologne
sparkling white lights lit up on a dark night
walking barefoot on the sand or on soft grass
a candle glowing

Has it got you thinking? Good. Enjoy the moment and remember the best things in life are free.

A word in season

2009-11-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know what God has been speaking to you lately. But I have a word for this season that God has spoken to me.
It's called HOPE.

Its been on my heart for at least 3 months now. Does this mean I have felt this way for 3 months now?
Ah..... no. That's is exactly why I need a word from God for the season I am in. I need His perspective.

Now, every time I open the paper or read things, or speak to others or read God's word, I am noticing the word hope. I am speaking the word hope.

It's a word in season. It is for you and me. Hope is not wishful thinking, it's confidant believing.

I declare that this is a season of hope, despite what you see or what you hear on the news or what the financial systems of this world say.

Put your hope in God alone.

Here is what I read this morning as I was studying the word hope:

"Hope focuses on God and fills us with eager expectation. No one who learns to hope in a biblical way will ever be overcome by disappointment but will be filled with patience, encouragement and enthusiasm."

"Hope is a great affirmation of trust in God, not because the believer knows what is ahead, but because God is know as wholly trustworthy"

Here are the words to a song I wrote recently that has been pouring hope into my heart:

My soul finds rest in God alone (repeat, until you get it!!)

Why so downcast O my soul
Put your hope in God alone
He's a redeemer, He is a healer
He has the answers to all of my questions (repeat)

And He is in control
He is God alone
God of the heavens
God of the earth
Sovereign, Majestic and awesome in wonders is He (repeat)

The Lord is good and His love endures
The Lord is good and His love endures
The Lord is good and His love endures everyday

A Time Out

2009-11-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

I've had the privilege of having Nancy Beach in Kelowna this week. I've been able to work with her and to help facilitate Gifted to Lead events in 4 different provinces in Canada this year During this time I have come to really appreciated and admire her ability to communicate and I have been overwhelmed with the wealth of wisdom that she possesses from years of experience as a Arts Director at Willow Creek Association.

Last night she went above and beyond and shared at a special arts gathering. During this evening we drilled her with all sorts of questions that are on the mind of arts leaders in the church.

One of he things she talked about was making sure you take time apart as a worship/arts team. It can be a day or two, at a home of a friend, or at a retreat center, but is so important to just do it.
Here is what she says are the key elements of a retreat for your team. I think these elements are not important for any team, and even a family gathering.

Take time out to:

Celebrate (where you've come from and the things you've accomplished)
Honor (one another and the processes you have been in)
Have Fun (what can I say? Laughter is good medicine!)

I'd say that this is good advice!

Its a small world

2009-11-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed to be able to be at 4 Gifted to Lead events in Canada this year. I get to MC at these events and help with the months of planning that goes into these days. The response has been overwhelming.There is a huge amount of women in Canada who are looking for mentoring and training about leadership.
Recently it took me to Moncton, NB. I posted some great feedback about this gathering on the Gifted to Lead blog. It sure is awesome to visit churches in various provinces. Now, it will be in my home town of Kelowna on Nov. 4.
Along with this, Nancy agreed to do a special Arts Gathering on a live web streaming cafe tomorrow night on Tuesday, Nov. 4. If you know of Arts Leaders in your area that would like to log on and watch it live, check out the event here.

This time, at Gifted to Lead in Kelowna we will be having a special guest. Her name is Rosemary Flaaten and she is an accomplished Canadian author and speaker. I had the privilege of meeting her in Calgary, and now we are bringing her to Kelowna to do a special interview with Nancy Beach at one of the Gifted to Lead sessions and also do a camera interview with me for our web site.
Just yesterday, I found out that my dear friend Jen, has been reading Rosemary's book. Make sure you check out her blog. I was overwhelmed at how God allows us to see divine connections in action. Its so cool that a friend from another province is deeply impacted by a new friend that I have made out here in western Canada. These type of little occurrences always remind me of the amazing workings of God and how He divinely connects us all. I'm so grateful that He lets me be a part first hand of seeing His handiwork.
It truly is a small world!

Inspiring Hope

2009-10-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit busy the past number of months and so my blog has been neglected. That's Ok because its all been for good reason. I've been busy travelling and encouraging leaders across Canada.
Even more importantly, in my free time, I have been busy dreaming of Africa and helping to plan for an African Choir that is coming to Kelowna in December.
One of the things that my husband and I will be doing is holding a business leaders luncheon to raise significant funds for drought relief for these wonderful children.
The orphanage I visited a year ago, is for the first time ever going on tour across North America to raise funds and awareness for the efforts at Mully Childrens Family.
I could talk for ever about this tremendous opportunity and the incredible entrepreneurial spirit that Charles Mulli has, but I'll let you click the links provided in this post and let you discover the story of hope yourself.
You won't be disappointed, and you may even be inspired to : Against all hope..... believe.

Be Inspired

2009-09-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

I have a terrific husband. Recently he has been going to a life coach. It has been very helpful for him in many ways. One of his assignments was to take a week and write an email to his coach about what God had spoken to him for the day. It has proved to be a great exercise and one that he is continuing to follow.
For the next few days, I'm going to share these thoughts of wisdom from my best friend with you. Be inspired.

Heb. 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Faith that results from our relationship with God produces results.
1. It deepens our relationship with the Father and that will demand a step of faith (act of trust).
2. It causes God to act on our faith.

Faith brings pleasure to God. When we put all of our trust in Him, it demands a response from Him. God is always pushing us in gentleness to get out of the boat and walk on water. He created every one of us to be water walkers. We often think, we can never do this walking on water thing; but faith is like a muscle, you develop it and that is what God does to us. He pushes us to develop our faith muscle. Why, because He receives pleasure from it.

Be Inspired
Sid Molenaar

Recommended Worship

2009-09-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

This is one of my new worship purchases, that I have been playing constantly at home. This time I got the DVD, and it is excellent and really adds a great dynamic when you have it on in your home environment.
I highly recommend it.

PS- I know, I haven't blogged all summer. More posts are coming soon, and from a very special guest. Keep watching!

Habits

2009-06-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Habits. I have a few.... well maybe more than a few. We all have them. Some are ridiculous, some are a tad bit eccentric and others came because our mothers, mothers, aunt did it.
Some habits, when done repeatedly, bring forth great fruit in our lives. Others....well, they are downright nasty. They lead to death.
Anyone who knows me well, knows my eccentric and familiar habits. Like when I really enjoy something, I talk about it, over and over and over again. Its good because this habit causes me to REALLY appreciate or notice something. The annoying part is that those close to me hear it over and over again to the point of annoyance. That's when I hear snickering, and things like: "Yes mom, we know, you LOVE these flowers. Yes we know they have such beautiful little petals. You already told us 5 times!!!"

Now, I'm being kind to myself on this blog, by not mentioning all the nasty habits I have that don't bear any good fruit at all. Let's just say there are lots.
Tonight, as I was reading and pondering on Psalm 130, I came across a revelation.
God has a habit too!!!

Psalm 130 says:
^3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings,
who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit,
and that's why you're worshiped.

When I read this and I chuckled to myself. "Hey! God has a habit!!" And what a profound one it is. I only wish it could be mine. I often intend for it to be a habit of mine, much like I intend to make exercise a habit... ahh, but alas, I haven't done anything to start the exercise habit. Why? Because I don't like the discipline it takes. I like the results, but I don't want to do the hard work.

Some times I choose forgiveness, but I wouldn't say its a habit of mine. I'd like it to be but it is not always my natural response. Sometimes it takes me a few days of harboring unforgiveness and feeling its deathly effects before I realize I could be free if I just would forgive. I guess it will take more discipline to choose the way of forgiveness first. Then, maybe after time, I will find it to be a habit of response. Wouldn't that be great? In the mean time, I'm grateful God is in the habit of forgiving me, and his kindness makes me ask for help and want to offer the same gift to others.

Recomended Worship

2009-06-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

I'm always on the lookout for new worship music. God kinda surprised me last week with a song right from Him. So, I'm singing that new song lately. It keeps pulling me up into hope.

Back in the winter I stumbled across this free CD by Phil Wickham. You really gotta go and get it for yourself. Its raw, authentic, live worship by a passionate worshiper. I listen to it lots while I'm working. It has some good old hymns on it as well. I love the old hymns. They are timeless songs of worship sung by generations of saints.

Go online to his site, give your email and you'll get a great free CD in return. Its definitely worth it.

Enjoy!

A New Song

2009-05-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

Its been 4 or 5 years since I've written a song.

This week as I sat at my keyboard preparing for rehearsal the following night, I started worshiping and singing. Mostly I love to sing sounds, not necessarily words. I find comfort in the fact that God reads our hearts, so when I pour out sounds to Him, I know He hears and understands. This type of worship takes me to a secret place with Him.
In my worship wandering, the words of this song poured out:

My soul finds rest in God alone (repeat.... a lot)

Why so downcast O my soul
Put your hope in God alone
He's a redeemer
He is a healer
He has the answer to all of my questions (repeat)

He is in control
He is God alone
God of the heavens
God of the earth
Sovereign, majestic and awesome in wonders (repeat) is He (ending only)

The Lord is good and His love endures
The Lord is good and His love endures
The Lord is good and His love endures
The Lord is good and His love endures everyday

There is such power in the word of God. These are not my words, they came from His word.
They came to me, after a season of testing and trial. They came and washed my heart, infused hope and reminded me that the test always produces a great reward.

Thank you God for your word that brings promise and hope and power that cannot be found from any other source.

Mothers Day Thoughts

2009-05-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

Now that I've been a mother for 22 years, I have come to appreciate my own mom in ways I will never be able to express.

There are many days as a mom where I've felt like I have no idea what I'm doing, and most certainly convinced that I am missing the mark, by a long shot. That is when I wrestle with God and say things like:

HELP!!
WHY?
HOW? or
I DON"T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!

So, if you're like me, you RUN to Jesus and beg for His help. You bring your human efforts to Him and ask for mercy.
Then........He reminds you, that You - were custom made by God. You were created to be His child and you were created to mother your child.

Psalm 139 is my very favorite psalm. Verse 13-16 says:
¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

We may think we planned our pregnancies or for some, we may think it was a surprise, but these verses speak the real truth. God predestined us. He decided who our mother would be, and what day we would be born and what we look like.

God, thank you for choosing me, for creating me, for giving me a mother, and for allowing me to be a mother. You ordained it, before time began. Give us courage to be like you, to carry your heart of love and teach us to mother our children. For those who are not mothers in the natural, teach us to love others and be a spiritual mom to many.

Celebrating Mothers Day

2009-05-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

I've been blessed with one great mom. I only wish I had of appreciated it more when I was younger.
She has taught me so many things, I would never be able to write them all down.

Here are just a few of the eternal gifts she has shared with others and mentored me in:

PRAYER- ain't no one gonna come against a praying momma. This is one thing that I remember most from my childhood about my mom, and still to this day see it in action, and lean upon when I am in need. It has kept me and my family.
WORD - she has always used the bible as her guide, and as her recommendation for solutions to others. I have rarely gone to her for advice and not had her come back with scripture. What a blessing!
CREATIVITY - my mom can take anything from ordinary and turn it into beauty. She finds a way to make everything look special and make everyone feel special.
PILLAR - her and my dad are what I call pillars. They are solid, trusted people that you can count on, and most especially in a season of trial. They have held up our family more times that I could count.
BEAUTY - my mom reflects the beauty of God. She is beautiful on the exterior, and a brilliant dazzling beauty on the inside.

I have much to learn from her, and am a rich woman because of her love and influence in my life. These are just a few of my favorite things about my mom.

I am grateful for her patient love that fights through prayer and waits to serve and love whenever needed. I am rich. I'm thankful.
Happy Mothers Day, Mom.

Pause

2009-05-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Did you think I had left the blogging world for good?

I know its been a while since I last wrote a post. I still have a part 2 to complete, and I will.
But truth is, I've been meditating on my last post for a long time now. I don't like to rush onto new thoughts, especially when God is speaking. He always does a good work within us, if we let Him. Surrender is a good thing, and the way of Jesus. So, I've been on pause.
Pause means:

a break or rest in speaking or reading to emphasize meaning
to dwell or linger

Sometimes we need to take a long time to consider what God is speaking to us. If you're like me, I need to take longer, so that I can "get it" God is kind, he's not in a rush, and He always does a good work if we let Him.

I've also been busy at work with our Gifted to Lead event in Ontario. It went phenomenal and I my heart has been buzzing with excitement at the opportunity to be a part of a day of inspiration, networking and encouragement for women leaders. There is a growing swell of strong christian women leaders arising!

Due to the incredible feedback, I started a blog to create a forum for women to learn, relate and share about leadership as a woman in Canada. Click here to check it out. Feel free to leave comments and insights.

Finally I Surrender

2009-03-31T21:05:00.001-07:00

This past Sunday our youth pastor spoke on the power of the cross. Since the beginning of lent, our church has been on a journey of contemplating the cross. It has been wonderful.

One of the scriptures he read caught me off guard. Now, I've read it many times before, but never from The Message version.
Here are the words of Jesus from Matthew 16

^24-26Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

There were 2 statements that hit me like a huge ocean wave, not like a brick, but a wave that washes me onto my back in surrender.

The first thing that struck me was when Jesus said:

You're not in the driver's seat, I am.

My head knows this to be true and yet my soul man often fights against it. I THINK I like being in the drivers seat. Why, because then I can navigate and keep myself safe by my "good driving"
After I heard this, I began to imagine myself being driven around, maybe down roads that I wouldn't choose, or in busy traffic, or at a speed that I don't like.

How many of you know what I mean? They call us back seat drivers. We find it hard to trust the driver and could probably wear a spot in the floor when we press our invisible break that we use each time we feel unsafe with our "driver".
Reality is though, I hate how I feel when I'm in control. Its too much work, too much to look out for, and requires me to live in bondage to fear and doubt.

Giving over control to Christ, according to the bible, requires sacrifice. I love how Jesus said,

Follow me, and I'll show you how.

Now, after reading this, I breathe deeply, and let go of control as I breathe out.
I am not alone in this.
He will show me how to let go. All I have to do is follow Him. He always longs to lead us, if we, but listen, let go, and follow.

Next post, I'll write about the other thing that stood out to me in this scripture, but for now, I leave you with this song from Misty Edwards.
Finally, I Surrender.

Its Time To Ask

2009-03-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

Why are we so afraid to ask God for things?

Do we think He won't like it?
Do we think it is too "unimportant" or trivial to ask Him for things that are on our heart?

Are we afraid of the answer, so much so, that we don't even ask?
Is there something wrong with asking?

These are questions on the mind of many of us. Sometimes we get so stuck considering asking, that we don't even bother. Somehow we think we have to know the outcome before we ask.

What is your perspective?
What do you think is God's perspective?
How big is God?
Have I asked enough questions yet?

Listen to words of Jesus found in Matthew 7

Matthew 7:7-11 (New International Version)

Ask, Seek, Knock

⁷"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

⁹"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?

¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

It's time to ask. He is waiting to create "God stories" in your life

Gifted To Lead

2009-03-03T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm just a wee bit excited of late. My job at The Leadership Centre Willow Creek Canada, has been a dream come true, and one that I would have never expected.
Daily, I am amazed at the wealth of information and opportunity that comes my way, just by working for such a great ministry.

A few months ago, our staff decided to host a is a unique event especially for women with spiritual gifts and abilities in leadership.
In preparation, I have been reading Nancy Beach's book, called Gifted To Lead. As I read it, I could identify with many of the situations and circumstances that Nancy wrote about in regards to women in leadership.

I always say that leadership is influence, its not about the number of people you lead, it's about how you lead and inspire others that truly matters

Now, I get to help bring this message of inspiration and hope to women across Canada.
How amazing is that?

This morning in staff devotions we were asked, "What are the things you have on your bucket list?" As I pondered, I realized that God already had, or was in the process of fulfilling many secret dreams for me. God always remembers our secret dreams and desires and He keeps them in his memory and releases them at His will and perfect timing. I like waiting for His plan to be unfolded, its always perfect!

³ Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.

⁵ Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.
⁶ He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Psalm 37

Solitude

2009-02-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

I have been reading many books of late. I love to learn and be inspired.

Listen to these amazing words, from The Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen. I recommend this book, it is filled with jewels of wisdom.

"Solitude is the place of purification and transformation, the place of the great struggle and the great encounter... the place of our salvation."

"Compassion is the fruit of solitude and the basis of all ministry. The purification and transformation that take place in solitude manifest themselves in compassion."

In the past 19 years, I have been subjected to many times of solitude. Not necessarily because I chose to, or even wanted to, but because my circumstances put me there. Days and weeks of being confined to lonely hospital rooms, caring for my special needs child, opened the door for me to be confronted with solitude, face to face.

Now, especially after reading this book, I see what a gift it has been. One that I need to regularly embrace.

I remember being "stuck" as I saw it, in the lonely hospital room for days and weeks on end. I felt like I was living in a bubble, and the whole world was moving ahead, without me. Talk about confronting my pride, and need to be needed. Oh yes, solitude exposed this nasty lie.

I believe that solitude is a place where we are confronted with our significance. In solitude, no one sees us, no one hears us, no one speaks to us, but God alone.

Now looking back, I cherish those "difficult days" for they were the training ground for me to learn to hear and know His voice in a way that I had never known previously. Some days, I felt as though the whole room was overflowing with the tangible presence of God. It was in those moments that I came to discover, I was not alone. I became familiar with His voice, and it was enough, and all I ever really needed.

I have come to know that God will be with us, in solitude. He will wait for us, to surrender to His Lordship. He will speak words of kindness, that compel us to repent of our self-sufficiency, and He will speak words truth and wisdom help us stay on the path that He has purposed for us.

God, teach us to embrace you in solitude, away from the noise and influence of anyone or anything, but You. May we come from these places of solitude with a greater awareness of Your voice, Your purpose and Your compassion.

Start Singing!

2009-02-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

This morning I awoke to an amazing gift. Not only did I get to sleep in, but the melodious sound of one solitary bird, caused my ears to perk up, and caused an immediate reaction in my heart.

I went from sleepy, to hopeful, and happy in an instant.

This meant that spring will soon be coming!

After a long winter of silence. One solitary bird, singing a melody, awoke me from my slumber.

In that moment I was reminded that February is known as the "darkest month" It is a month where many struggle with depression and the symptoms of it are exacerbated and cause many to fall prey to its damaging pressure. Some even consider suicide.

Each of us have an ability to "sing" songs of hope. Not only with a tune, but in a myriad of ways.
I believe that our lives are a reflection of worship. This is why I have this blog. Its to remind you - of your great purpose.

True worship is outward expression of an inward reality.

I want to remind you today, even in this moment, to SING!
Sing, to help draw others out of darkness and into light. Sing to remind others of the hope and promise of spring.

Now, I don't mean you literally have to sing (although personally I love it) For some of us, people around us may not appreciate our vocal talents, but they sure would love to be reminded that the winter season doesn't last forever!

Sometimes, when the days are dark, we need just one simple little "bird" to remind us of the promises that are available to us, and freely given by a loving God.

You are destined to live a lifestyle of worship, and the greatest thing you can do is share the joy and remind others of who God is.

You get to display His character, promises and kindness to others whenever you choose to.

It can come in the most amazing "unique-to-you" packages! Like, writing a note of encouragement, or opening a door with a smile for a frustrated young mom with screaming babies. Or, it could be shoveling a driveway, or sharing a word of encouragement, or being kind even when you don't want to be.
The possibilities are endless!!

If you ask God, don't worry, He'll show you how to "sing", and it will not only bring you a sense of purpose, but it will bring life and light to someone who is desperately trying to push back the darkness.

So, my friends... START SINGING!

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter.

There Is A Light

2009-01-10T17:38:00.000-08:00

My heart is in great anticipation for this year.

I have great hope in God directing my life. He loves to do that, and all I have to do is ask Him.

This little song has been resonating in my heart a lot in the last week. Like never before - we have a great opportunity to shine. My prayer is that we are so full of God's love, that His light shines brightly in and through us.

Words of Jesus from Matthew 5:14-16 (The Message)

You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.
God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.

If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you?

I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine!
Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Riches Are A State Of Mind

2008-12-29T10:42:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of discussion lately about the current financial state of North America.

This Christmas I've had time to reflect and remember all of the things that are mine in Christ. I've come to realize that "Riches are a state of mind"

I am one rich woman. I've always felt this way. And now, more than ever I am convinced of it.

Here are some priceless and invaluable things that make me rich.

Relationships with my family and friends
A God who talks to me and listens to me
Kindness
Forgiveness
Peace
Memories
Love
Peace

These are just a few. What are some of your invaluable riches?

Jesus has made us rich with His grace and His love and we walk in a heavenly inheritance and authority that only comes by knowing Him. This is our opportunity to shine! This is a season to share our riches with others.

Proverbs 8:17-19 says

17 I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me.

18 With me are riches and honor,
enduring wealth and prosperity.

19 My fruit is better than fine gold;
what I yield surpasses choice silver.

The hope of Christ within us is what makes us rich. We can begin to see with eyes of the spirit and recognize His goodness and favor in our lives.

We are rich with things that cannot be bought with money.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Col. 3

Reflection

2008-12-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a good time to reflect.

I often become more sentimental over the holiday season and often think back over the past year. As I do inventory in my mind, I am reminded of His goodness to me. So much happens in one year, and I love taking time to remember His goodness in my life.

I'm grateful for:

Celebrating 25 years of marriage. We have survived much, and have been blessed with much love.
Both our parents that are alive and well.
Music... I LOVE music. It is my pathway to God.
Laughter.
Children. My own biological children who teach me much, and now my children of Africa.
Friends.
Truth.
Peace.
His word, both written and spoken.
A job.
Paid bills.
Hot water and food to eat.
Health.
Second chances.
Faith.

I'm Thankful

2008-12-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

I just wandered over to my friend Joanne's blog, and saw this video below.

It made me smile. I have thinking of the sweet children of Africa a lot over the past few days, and this video culminates many things I saw and thoughts that I agree with wholeheartedly.

We have SO much to be thankful for. I have never see such grateful, smiling, stress free people as I saw in Africa.

I want to be like them.

They are a gift to the world - a lesson - for any who wishes to listen and learn.

Shut In

2008-12-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

We finally got our first real snow storm on the weekend, and got a fair bit of snow for our city of Kelowna.

It sure has been pretty!

One of the things that I love about a snow storm is that it makes people slow down. It even seems quieter when you are walking on a snowy night.

I have come to appreciate the value of slowing down and enjoying the ability to simply "shut yourself in" and rest, read, and reflect.
When I choose to do this (whether its snowing or not)... I can hear Him more clearly. The distractions fade away... and His voice becomes more obvious and I become more at peace.

God - thanks for using nature to cause us to rest, and "shut in" for a while with You.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62

I Have To Believe

2008-12-01T10:53:00.001-08:00

Fear is rampant right now.
We are in a battle, whether it be for our family, our spouses, our finances, peace, the truth... it doesn't matter... It's a battle for our faith.
It's a battle for who and or what we believe.

God brought me back to this song that I listened to incessantly about 4 years ago. He is reminding me of it, once again. Why? Because He wants to give me Divine Strategy.

For me - this always involves songs of declaration.
This is a strategic key that builds my faith.
This is how I fight the battle. Control won't win in a battle.
Faith brings Divine Strategy and will cause us to overcome.

Listen to it, read the lyrics below.
Let your faith arise. Fight with faith.
We have to believe.. though we cannot see.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE

I have to believe
That He sees my darkness
I have to believe
He knows my pain
I have to lift up
My hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare
That He is my refuge
I have to deny
That I am alone
I have to lift up
My eyes to the mountain
It's where my help comes from

Oh yeah
He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall
When the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong
When I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold
Ahold of the garments
The garments of praise

I know, I know, I know
Cause He said that He's forever faithful
And He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to sing praise
When the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains
That bind up my soul
My sin and my shame
He has forgiven and made me whole

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause He said that He's forever faithful
And He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to believe
I have to believe
He's got everything under control
I have to believe
Lord, I believe
Help my unbelief
I have to believe in You
I have to believe

Songs I'm Listening To

2008-11-21T12:37:00.000-08:00

I just realized that in all the time that I've had this blog, I have never created a post recommending great worship songs and resources.
Now, I'm no expert, however, I am a worship leader, musician, and one who longs to live a life of worship. I am constantly on a quest to hear "new sounds" in worship.
Sometimes they come in the form of an old song - that's been out there forever. Other times they come in the form of a book. And often they come in new songs of worship being sung throughout the earth. I keep having people ask me what music do I listen to - or where did I get a song from that I lead in worship, so I thought it time to send out some recommendations for those who are wondering. Here's a list of some recommended songs and or CD's:

How He Loves - I've been listening to and singing this song for 2 years now... and have NEVER become tired of it. It has brought tremendous healing to me and a revelation of God in amazing ways. John Mark MacMillan wrote this song.. you have to hear the story of the song. Kim Walker sings it wonderfully as well. Click here to see her sing it. A passionate woman of worship and abandonment.
Here Is My Song CD by Kim Walker - The entire CD is filled with deep, passionate worship. I love the whole CD, and it takes me into deep places with God.
Counting on God CD by Desperation Band - I LOVE the entire CD. This fresh CD was birthed out of a place of brokenness. From the ashes came these anthems of praise to God that will keep your focus in the right place. Check out Counting on God right now.
Its infectious!
You Never Let Go by Matt Redman - A timeless anthem of overcoming. LOVE it! Click here to listen to it.
Hello Love CD by Chris Tomlin - This man is an inspiration to me as a worship leader. He writes songs that resonate through culture and link to the activities of heaven. They keep by focus on Him and His abilities. The entire CD is fantastic. Click here to check out more.

Well - these are just a few of what I've been listening to and filling my ears and heart with... go on - give them a try. You won't be disappointed.

When Fear Comes Crawling Your Way

2008-11-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday I had the privilege of leading worship. Oh how I love to play music and sing songs that speak of the faithfulness of God.
This week - I had clear orders from God. He wanted us to focus on Him - in the midst of trial.
Each song had a theme. A song of overcoming - praising in the midst of a storm - an acknowledgment that He is with us - He is holding on to us - He will NEVER let go.
When we are in the midst of trial, fear loves to come creeping our way. Fear is the opposite of faith. Fear and faith both believe in something that has not happened yet. One brings death - and more fear - the other brings life, hope and peace. Funny thing - yesterday as I was leading worship - there were a few moments where we hit "a lull" A spot - where it "felt - flat"... "like it wasn't going anywhere"

We all have them in life. Times where we "feel" nothing, or we "feel" like we are going backwards or we "feel" opposition or trouble creeping our way. Jesus said: In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

Right at the moment when things hit a "lull"... a spider crawled over the top of my keyboard.

Now, anyone who knows me - knows that I HATE spiders, and I mean HATE.

They have this ability to cause fear to rise within my heart. Why?.....because I let them. I let them create fear in me.

This big ugly spider crawled around my keyboard for the next 10 minutes. Every time I lifted my hands from the keys to try and push it away.. it would crawl off - only to reappear.

I had an object of fear trying to crawl all over my object of worship. It appeared right when I was at a crucial point in worship. In this moment I had to decide to partner with the "feelings" and resign myself to its effects, or to choose to press into the things He had spoken to me in preparation for the morning. It was my choice.

We all have crossroads - or intersections in our journey with God. Circumstances and roadblocks come our way- and then fear creeps up and present itself. Partnering with fear can stop us from advancing on the path that He has for us. Fear will always try to hinder us from moving forward. It brings with it two nasty friends called doubt and unbelief. Both pull us off the path that God has for us.

If we become distracted by fear - we can stop advancing and never see the future that only faith can bring us. In these moments, we must lay our feelings aside. We must advance in faith. We can't get side tracked by the things that fear brings. Fear brings distraction from His divine purposes.

Normally, a spider would completely distract me. Normally I would recoil at the sight of spider and squeal in disgust and fear. Usually it involves reactions like - jumping- yelling, screaming and a big EWWWWWWW! and a shutter. (if you don't believe me- just ask my husband)
I certainly would not want to come back to that keyboard until I was sure it was dead and gone. But I couldn't do that.... I was operating in my assignment from God, I was engaged in His kingdom activities, and I had to say NO to fear.

This spider was just an outward picture of what was actually happening in the spirit realm. God had an assignment for me. It would require faith and courage even when fears comes crawling my way.

As I stayed focused on what He told me - the spider kept crawling in and out of my sight. Right when we advanced as a body in the spiritual realm - the spider came crawling right next to my fingers. In the moment of worship that brought spiritual breakthrough - I took my index finger and with all my energy flicked it right off the keyboard - and the power behind it - smacked that spider dead! Ha!

I was an over comer!
I believe that an overcomer is one who faces fear and turns to Jesus with eyes of faith and sets their focus on the ONE who brings peace and security despite what we see with our eyes, or feel with our emotions.

What is the assignment God has before you this week - this month?
What is the fear that keeps crawling your way?
What strategies is He giving you to overcome and advance?

No Worries

2008-11-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

Culture is a unique thing.
When you travel abroad, all of a sudden, you realize how many systems, mindsets and processes (even religious thinking) that are totally not relevant in another culture. Over 20 years ago, I remember listening to a talk from Tony Campolo about how the religion we believe, must be relevant in every culture. If not, it is not the Jesus of the bible, but the Jesus of our culture. Big difference.

As I was in Kenya, all of these thoughts came flooding back to me. Often in Western culture, we think we know "the way".... "the truth" Then... we experience a different culture and it confronts our thinking.

This was one of the first thing I noticed upon settling onto African soil. The culture is different. So different.The lifestyle and priorities are different. The systems are different. Some would say there is a lack of systems, however, I would say, they are just different.

For example - the road system (or lack of it as some may say)

In Nairobi, there are millions and millions of people walking and driving everywhere, no lines on the roads, no road signs, and people and animals, and carts, and buses..... EVERYWHERE!!

To say driving in Nairobi, was stressful - was an understatement. I ended up spending a lot of time on the crazy roads of Kenya on my trip and learned very quickly to "go with the flow" and laugh a lot. I learned that car seats and seat belts are not mandatory. I had many a trip on a severely bumpy road for over an hour with a new born baby in my arms - feeling like at any moment they were about to fly right out of my arms - or worse yet... that I would be part of giving them "shaken baby syndrome" due to the severe jostling.

I discovered a new limit to maximum capacity in a vehicle. Like this huge cow, in this small truck, bumbling along a bumpy African road... how funny!!
The intensity of need that I saw along the roads was absolutely overwhelming. There was poverty and need EVERYWHERE... and yet, a child would smile and wave running along the road with no shoes on. Vendors along the side of the road -that were trying to sell enough to make money to survive for another day - would be sitting back and smiling... Hmmm.

All of a sudden the phrase Hakuna Matata had new meaning and context. I actually heard people saying it, and saw them living it.

Hakuna matata is a Swahili phrase that is literally translated as "There are no worries". It is sometimes translated as "no worries", although is more commonly used similarly to the English phrase "no problem".

Interesting..... it's a simple phrase, yet with profound insight and even more of a challenge to actually live out.

This phrase, challenged me daily in Kenya. I realized that fear, worry and doubt are easy to adopt. Trust, faith, and belief, require a level of relying on God and choosing to believe the truth, that I had much to learn about. These people had so much less than we do in Canada, and yet I saw more peace and joy on their faces. I heard songs, prayers and words of gratitude daily from the children - who only ate beans every day. EVERY DAY.

I realized I worry about WAY too much stuff.. I don't trust like He longs for me to. I don't believe for the impossible - like these kids do. In humility I repented and continue to repent and ask for the ability to believe and to simply trust.

I was reminded of Phillipians 4: 6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I saw this verse lived out daily. They pray like you wouldn't believe - they petition the Father - three times a day - and before and after - they sing songs of thanksgiving.
I saw the peace of God on their faces - and wanted to be like an African child.

"At about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, "Who gets the highest rank in God's kingdom?"
For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said,
"I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in.
Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me."

Simple truth, with profound fruit.

I guess this is why I love kids so much... why I need kids so much.

The African Dream - Part 2

2008-11-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

It seems like forever since I've had time to write of Africa, although each day it has been in my heart. We have been extremely busy at my work, preparing for and hosting The NOVA Experience so there has been no extra time for me to write. For those who have waited for the rest of the story... here's more.

Well, the second day in Africa had our team maneuvering through the harried traffic of Nairobi.
It is an extremely busy city filled with millions of people, countless crazy drivers, and almost no traffic signs.

I saw things along the road that overwhelmed me, made me laugh, and had me scratching my head in wonder.

After much concentration and perseverance, we found our way through the harried streets to a local hospital where we were to help pick up 4 babies that had been abandoned. They needed to be checked over by a Pediatrician before taking them home to the orphanage.

The first time we met Lucy (the overseer of the orphanage) was in the exam room. She was delighted to see us, and immediately asked for help. The orphanage had never taken new born babies. The youngest they had taken was 6 month olds, and they had only ever taken 2 at a time.

I found it hard to hold back tears of joy, as I immediately took a babe into my arms. They were so little! So beautiful, and so very chosen of God. It could only be God that could arrange for babies to be born - a date of transfer to be arranged, and for him to send 8 Canadians on the exact day - to welcome these sweet ones into the world.

Immediately I was able to see His hand in a huge way. Immediately I was able to see that He had a plan for me in this.
Years ago, I had been blessed to work for a pediatrician, and during that time, gained tremendous experience and a deeper love for infants and children. Simply put - I LOVE babies.

As I watched the doctor examine the first baby and as I heard Lucy mumble words of uncertainty as to how she would keep all the specific needs straight... I realized my first assignment had begun.

So, with all the boldness in me, I put my hand out and introduced myself to the pediatrician, told her of my experience and started assisting her with the examinations, and writing down all the info needed to care for these sweet ones.

As each babe got finished being examined, I would take them to our team in the hall outside - waiting to help and provide a loving arm.

Some on the team had never even held a newborn before. Instantly they were submersed into the chaotic and scary feelings that caring for a newborn can bring.
Oh, how I loved seeing the babes unwrapped from their blankets for the first time. I saw God's divine miracle of creation and His destiny unfolding. I prayed a lot under my breath thanking God for allowing me to love on a rescued one and for the privilege to bless the day of their adoption into a new community of love. History was set for these 4 new ones, and I got to be a part of it.
I said, "God, what do you have for them in the future? It must be great - because You have orchestrated many to help them come to the fullness of what You have for them."

How kind is God? He doesn't have to include us, and yet He does. He allows us to participate in and witness His redemption process.
This day, as we left the hospital, my heart was swelling with thoughts of worship and wonder of a majestic King who cares about all things and everyone all at the same time. He knew the day these babes would be born, He knew that I a dream to be a part of something like this since I was a young girl, He knew Lucy needed help, He knew many many things.

O Lord, you have searched me and know me

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Father To The Fatherless

2008-10-07T15:44:00.001-07:00

My first day on Kenyan soil, landed me at Mulley Children's Family.

Mully Children’s Family (MCF) is a Christian, non-denominational, non-profit making, rehabilitation organization for street children, orphans, abandoned, abused, HIV/AIDS affected and infected, desperate and neglected children regardless of their religion, sex, color or tribe, who have nowhere to call home and no one to care for them.

In Kenya, MCF operates 6 Projects in three different provinces. I was privileged to visit the Yatta site.

Charles and Esther Mulli, are the visionaries behind MCF.

If you haven't had a chance to read their story yet in Father To The Fatherless, please do, you will be overwhelmed at God's divine plan and weep at the stories of God's love for the orphans. You can see the book on the side bar of this site.

As soon as we arrived, Charles's daughter took us on a tour of the site. We were shown a great vision. A vision for orphanages to be completely sustainable, and actually give back to the community. They produce many products that they can sell, and generate revenue for the orphanage as well as providing food, and jobs in the community.

Here, are green houses, that employ women from the community to grow trees , and green beans to export.

They also plant these trees on the property to sell for revenue and they also give these trees away to the community in order to improve the environmental conditions.

They also have fish ponds, for export and consumption.

They are building water resevoirs.

They are training children in trades.

And they are loving children, and bringing hope.

This particular site takes in young (very young) women who are pregnant and want to keep their babies.
They provide them with a safe environment and teach them how to be a mother and to learn new skills.

These little young men, were full of vigor and vim. I saw determination and destiny in their eyes. God had a plan. Even before they were born.

If He can rescue them... If He has a great plan for them....What makes us ever consider that He doesn't have our future close to His heart?

Psalm 146
7 He upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets prisoners free,

8 the LORD gives sight to the blind,
the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,
the LORD loves the righteous.

9 The LORD watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but he frustrates the ways of the wicked

Right there, God confronted me, He reminded me that His plans are infinite. He considers all things, He sees all things, He longs to look after His kids, and He does it through ordinary people who carry His heart. Some serve in Africa, some give finances, some pray, but it is all part of His provision and purpose.

Now this scripture had visual context.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I saw the hopelessness and poverty on the roads of Kenya, I was overwhelmed with the need, the despair, the conditions. At yet, here at MCF, I could see with my eyes, His plan. I could see hope and a future.

That night, after we toured the site, we were invited to particpate in a worship gathering. I wept as I sat in the room, listening to the overpowering songs of worship from about 500+ children.

I heard songs of hope and joy. I saw love in their eyes, as they greeted Charles and Esther (whom they call mother and father) I saw contentment. I saw Jesus, and I heard a heavenly sound that I will never forget. The sound of worship and gratitude from many tribes and another tongue.

God had always known of my longing to hear the sounds of worship around the world, and most especially to hear it from children. I have always loved the songs that come from children. They carry such simplicity, such trust, such joy.

And these beauties, carried the hope of Christ within their hearts and voices.
They knew that the Father was watching out for them.

And I, felt like the richest woman on earth.

(This is some of the kids, after the service... still lingering and singing.... and me, after 48 hours days of travelling....... trying to get the rhythm... (Ha, nice try Cheryl)

Living A Dream

2008-10-01T12:22:00.001-07:00

Ever since I was a young child I had a dream to be a missionary in a third world country. I have already written about this in my previous post called Living Your Dreams Through Your Kids

I wrote that post on May 13. How would I know that 2 months later, someone, who I had just met,would offer to take me to Africa, to visit and serve at an orphanage?

When the person, offered this trip to me, inside my heart, I heard God say:

"Do you remember what you just wrote... you had let go of the dream to go to a third world country and do missions. You let go, and were OK with that........ but I didn't forget your dream. I never forgot."

In that moment, my heart was swirling with emotions, and I was unable to even give an answer to the offer. "Was this for real?" I thought? "God is this you?"
Could this be real? Could it be real that a kind and passionate stranger would offer me a dream, that only God knew I had.

It can be. With God all things are possible.

This dream was a good 30 years in the waiting. And now, all of a sudden, here it was.
I couldn't believe it. I had left it long behind, not in frustration, but just let it go. Not really even longing for it any more. How did He know that now was the time? Was this the time?

These and many other questions flooded my heart and spirit, to the point that I was unable to give the person an answer. I went home, told my husband, and kept thinking it couldn't be real. Finally, 2 weeks later I got up the nerve to contact the person, and find out more information.

It was perfect timing. That day, she had booked the tickets for a team, and there was one spot left. All other team members were married couples, and she needed a partner. It was me.

That day, I had to rush home at lunch, and cry. That evening, I cried. I cried tears of humility as I began to read the stories of the rescued children I would meet. I cried tears of joy, because I was about to see a dream come true.... one that had been in my heart since I was little.

God had already set it up. Right to the day. He preordered it even before I was born. How overwhelming.

He hears everything. He knows everything, He considers everything, and knows what is best for us. He only has the best in mind for us, and nothing is outside of His rule.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Here's a glimpse of the story that is yet to be told.

In this moment, as I held this beautiful baby, that I was helping to rescue and bring to the safe and loving care of Hope Community Centre, I was weeping, overwhelmed, and thanking God for this little beauty that I got to love, and hold and pray for and be a part of his first early days here on earth.

Thank you God. You are good.

My steps are ordered by You and You include me.....You include us in Your divine plans.
You have a plan for me. You have a plan for the beautiful children of Africa.

And you start with a dream.

I am forever grateful and my heart is filled with worship.

Inspiration. To make a difference.

2008-08-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm blessed to work at a The Leadership Centre Willow Creek Canada.
Each year we manage and partner with local churches to host The Leadership Summit at 20 sites across Canada. What a great thing to be involved in. An annual gathering of inspiration for leader's not only across Canada, but all across North America.

I was inspired as I heard from the incredible speakers chosen for this year.
I was inspired:
To continue to pursue leadership, and my spirit was filled with a heart of worship as I was inspired by the presence of the Holy Spirit. As I spent time pondering what God was saying to me through the speakers, I realized, more than ever, that God has great things for me.

He has great things for you. Only believe.

One of the speakers reminded us of the old Franciscan Prayer. I leave it with you today.

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Rest ........Is A Weapon

2008-06-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was privileged to join my fellow staff members for a retreat on the coast.
I love being on the water.
I have learned that this is my greatest source of inspiration and peace.
It inspires me, it pulls me into a place of rest, reflection and peace.

For years now I have had a saying that:

REST - IS A WEAPON

Psalm 116 says:
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

Living a lifestyle of worship requires us to choose to enter His rest daily. The challenge is finding rest in the midst of daily life, responsibilities and work.

Psalm 91 promises us that:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Isaiah says:
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

The Definition of REST is:
–verb (used without object)

* to refresh oneself, as by sleeping, lying down, or relaxing.
* to relieve weariness by cessation of exertion or labor.
* to be at ease; have tranquility or peace.
* to repose in death.
* to be quiet or still.
* to cease from motion, come to rest; stop.
* to become or remain inactive.
* to stay as is or remain without further action or notice: to let a matter rest.
* to lie, sit, lean, or be set: His arm rested on the table.
* to be imposed as a burden or responsibility (usually fol. by on or upon).
* to rely (usually fol. by on or upon).
* to be based or founded (usually fol. by on or upon).
* to be found; belong; reside (often fol. by with): The blame rests with them.
* to be present; dwell; linger
* to be fixed or directed on something, as the eyes, a gaze, etc.

Hmmmm. Are you getting it? I am.

Slowly, but surely, God keeps reminding me of this invaluable weapon.

So, how do we enter His rest?

How can we live with the "feeling" of rest that we get when we are on the water, or at our "special place" that draws us away from the cares of life?

We can't live on vacation all the time. We have responsibilities and cares to deal with each day.

Not only is worship a weapon, but so is rest. It is a willful act of submitting to God. It is an act of letting go and laying down. A choice to abide in Him. To choose a mind of rest, even in the midst of chaos.

This is so much harder to do than it sounds isn't it? And yet, we have all felt the protection that rest gives us. It is like a weapon to fight against the pressures we all face. It is like a shield that covers us, and brings back clarity to our mind.

It can only be found in one place. The place where in our spirit we sit, with Him and talk... and listen... and let go.

Jesus said:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. "

I AM

2008-06-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

i am: loved.
i think: I am rich
i know: my husband is crazy about me
i want: to live a long life and enjoy my grandkids
i have: nothing to complain about
i wish: for a second miracle for my friend
i hate: lying
i miss: Matt and my Ontario friends
i fear: failure...yup. wrong, but true... God and I are working on it
i feel: blessed beyond measure
i hear: music and the lawn mower
i smell: an americano misto
i crave: CHOCOLATE!
i search: for wisdom
i wonder: about what the church of the future will look like
i regret: not having read more to my kids
i love: my kids, my hubby and flowers
i ache: for restoration
i care: about people ALOT
i always: try to thank people
i am not: very confidant sometimes
i believe: in the power of love.. sappy I know.
i dance: in my head more than with my body
i sing: alot.. in my head, in the car, at work... wherever
i don’t always: have the right words to describe what I am thinking
i fight: ... i hate fighting....
i write: to express my heart and encourage others
i win: every time I help someone else
i lose: things... sometimes.... Ok... a fair bit... no - not lose, misplace.
my motto is : "It'll show up!"
i never: want to live too far from my kids
i confuse: ???? what? I don't know, I'm confused
i listen: to little details
i can usually be found: arranging details, arranging meals, arranging ways to have fun
i am scared: of spiders...forever.
i need:to laugh, I love to laugh
i am happy about: my kids, they are my treasure.

Laughter Is Good Medicine

2008-05-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

My son is off on his first missions trip. He will be gone a total of 6 weeks. Now after 2.5 weeks, I'm really starting to miss him.

Most of all, I miss the many faces of Matt Molenaar.

I miss his silly antics....

I miss the various objects he puts on his head or face....

The bible says that laughter - or a merry heart is a good medicine, and I would have to agree wholeheartedly!

Ever since the day my son was born - he has made me smile or laugh. Now as a teenager - he lives to make someone smile. Its a gift. He is a gift and a reflection of Jesus. Did Jesus laugh lots?

Many of us never consider that Jesus laughed, or what He would have looked like... laughing... at children... with children... at the simple joys in life.

Today I'm grateful for a son - who constantly reminds me that:

A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

Living Dreams Through Your Kids

2008-05-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

Often we have many dreams that God has put in our heart. Sometimes they don't happen, or at least not the way we envisioned it.
I always thought I would be a missionary. I trained to be a nurse, as I thought this was the easiest way to get me "into" a country to be a missionary. Reality is, I have led short term missions teams, but never actually became a missionary in a foreign country. Did I fail? Did I miss it? No - I don't think I did.

Years ago, when my special needs child was recovering from one of her 14 surgeries, life was REALLY tough, I was tired, and was definitely confined to my home most of the time. In a moment of exhaustion, I started lamenting and complaining to God about how this "was not what I had ordered" "this was a far cry from my dream of being a missionary!" God is so kind, He endures our whining and waits for a moment of silence to deliver His infinite wisdom. After I was done crying and complaining... He reminded me of His word in Matthew that says:

...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

Then, He took it a step further and showed me what a preciously pure spirit my daughter had. She was born into sin, however, she was different - simple, and childlike. She did not ever function in anger, she never remembered anything wrong (well actually she doesn't remember much of anything lol!) she didn't even understand the word no - I had never seen anything in her eyes, except love, delight and admiration. I had a gift. A pure and precious gift.

At that moment I was eternally transformed and can remember the profound awe of His presence even today as I write this. From that day on, I stopped "pining" for lost dreams of being a missionary. If I chose to - I could face each daily task, as an opportunity to serve Him, to love and honor Him. And He - sees it all.

Over the years,I've become more mature in my walk with God, and realized that the initial "pulling into missions" that I felt, stemmed from a desire to "serve God" with my whole life. I think I assumed that it would be missions. And now, at this stage in my life, I don't really care where it is, or if I ever "go". As long as I'm serving God. I've learned what a pleasure He gets from me choosing to life my whole life as an act of worship to Him. Its not the "where" I serve so much as, "who" and "how" that seems to matter to Him. As natural and spiritual parents - we can live out many dreams through our kids. I've come to see that many of the "dreams" that I have had - my kids have got to experience. What a joy that is! Far greater than I initially considered.

On May 5th, my son headed out to Mexico with his school for a 6 weeks missions trip. Daily, I have been praying that he would get the "maximum" spiritual impact during this time. I have been overjoyed to think that my son gets to experience something I dreamed of. Now, I am a rich woman and mother.

Not only that, I see more than ever the joy and richness of keeping a dream alive enough to pass it on and let your "kids" enjoy it. Much to learn in all this, hope I get it, for my future "spiritual kids"

Thanks for the great mothers day gift Matt - you - and you living my dream. See you in 5 weeks - a changed, impacted young man of God.

In the midst

2008-05-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

God has been constantly reminding me that He works ALL THINGS together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

NOTHING.... is beyond His redemption. Yay God!

Even though I have faced many long, difficult, overwhelming challenges... I always stop and ask Him where He is. I choose to see God. I see Him moving, I see His provision. Sometimes it takes a moment, a few hours, or a few days, but eventually when I choose, I am able to see and hear Him in the midst of my trials. I can see Him in the midst of others trials as well.

Even the things that seem hopeless, or beyond any repair. He is walking with us, in the midst of it. Midst means being right in the middle or as I would say:

"Right in the thick of it" "Right in the center of it all"

He never misses anything. He is right in the middle of what is going on in our lives. Make no mistake. Don't believe a lie...... He is there.

Psalm 139 says: even if I make my bed in the depths of hell... behold you are there O God.He is always in our midst; moving, speaking, whispering hope, redeeming, re-ordering, reviving, refreshing, renewing, restoring, rebuilding.

Only God can do these things.

God, thank you that You never leave us or forsake us. You are always with us and You are in our midst... even our most ordinary of days, even in our most difficult of days, even in our most special of days. In it all - YOU ARE THERE.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever— Ps 138

Gratitude Monday

2008-04-25T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today I am grateful for:

LOVE
FORGIVENESS
PROMISE
HOPE
TRUTH
SUNSHINE
HOT WATER
GREEN GRASS
SECOND CHANCES
CREATIVITY
HUGS

The Way Of Love

2008-04-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.

I've been thinking a lot about love and unconditional love lately. I must say, I don't think I'm an expert on it, however I like to be challenged to learn how to love more. The bible has pretty high standards for what love is. I'm grateful for the reminder.

Connecting The Dots

2008-04-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

In staff devotions this week, we were listening to a teaching from Andy Stanley, on one of his new products called "TWISTED"

In this five-part series Andy Stanley reveals common ways the truth gets twisted. Each one has the potential to destroy your relationships, cloud your decisions, and distort your perspective of God. Discover how the truth has been twisted, and how it impacts our lives and culture.

God is so kind. He knows what we need to hear.
So often we seem surprised when somehow, we hear or read something that we "need to hear". Do we forget that God knows all things? Do we forget that He sees all things and even before there is a word on our tongue, that He knows it completely?

I forget. Do you?

This week's specific teaching was called: Facing Forward

When we experience pain, we often ask, "Why?" In times of pain, we find ourselves desperately seeking for purpose. Tell me there is meaning in this. Tell me this happened for a reason. All too often when we look around at our present circumstances and look back to examine the past, we can't see how anything good can come out of the pain. This is because the purpose behind our pain is found by looking elsewhere.

So, as a lover of God. I am on a journey to Face Forward.

Pain comes through various circumstances. Disappointment. Sickness. Betrayal. Disease. Death. Loss, etc. For each person, pain comes from different things and on different levels. We are all so different in how we process painful situations.

This morning Andy reminded me that we can get very preoccupied with trying to "connect all the dots" We can get stuck in this place, and easily become hopeless.

Things happen to us here on earth, that are just tough some times. Usually our first response is to try to find a reason, or someone or something to blame. Maybe its a lack of knowledge, a lack of understanding, sometimes it is a willfull choice to sin, or maybe its my fault, her fault, their fault. We try to connect the dots here on earth to try and make sense of it all.

Reality is, sometimes, there are no good reasons, or something to blame.

We live in a sin filled world, and God is aware of everything that occurs to us, or around us. He is all knowing, ever present, and all powerful.

The effects of sin and the fall are still present today. These effects are always trying to weaken our bodies, our relationships, and our spirits. God knows we are weak. He knows that we are looking for answers, some of which we may never receive. He knows we are trying to connect the dots and make sense of things. When we just can't find a reason, or an answer. He comes.... and gently reminds us.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8

God, I believe in You and Your ways more than all my reasoning, more than all my understanding, more than all that I see. The truth is - You - are praying for me.

I let go of trying to connect the dots.

You have already proven this to me over and over, that in ALL things, You work for good.

A Quote from C.S. Lewis

2008-04-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”

Spring Is In The Air

2008-03-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

We all love the promise of Spring. I haven't met anyone yet, who, at around the month of March, doesn't start longing for the signs of Spring.

It causes all sorts of activities for various individuals.

Some people putz in their gardens, others clean out the garage. All month long, our city streets have been getting cleaned.
Many, do the "annual Spring cleaning purge" Funny how that is, an urge to clean, and bring order to get ready for new things.

I, myself, love the sun and warmth that spring brings. I love to sit on my deck and listen to the sounds of nature, and feel the warmth of the sun.

Hope seems more tangible or as though it can be breathed in somehow.

For the past few days, God had been reminding me of a song that I had no idea who wrote, or all the words... but part of the chorus had been ringing through my heart and mind, and finding its lyrics upon my tongue.

He will come to us....like rain... spring rain
If we ask, He will come

God often speaks to people in music and lyrics. Whether they be secular or Christian songs.
This is one way that God speaks to me... probably because He knows how much I love music, and because He knows I will sing lyrics over and over and over, until I feel like I "GOT" the message.

In time, I remembered that Kevin Prosch wrote this song. I haven't sang it in years, but I am now!

Come let us return unto the Lord

For He has torn us
But He will heal us
For He has wounded us
But He will bandage us
And he will come

He will come to us like rain, spring rain
He will come to us like rain, spring rain

If we ask, He will come
Send His rain on everyone

For every child(soul) needs rain, spring rain

He was obviously inspired by the book of Hosea.
Hosea 6 says:

We're ready to study God, eager for God-knowledge.
As sure as dawn breaks,so sure is his daily arrival.
He comes as rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground."

I've been pondering these words all week, especially the part that says:

He comes... or He will come to us.

God is always pursuing us, even when we don't notice it. Often, we think we're the ones running after Him, but truthfully, I think He starts it.

He starts the longing.

The longing for new things in Him. The longing to "clean up" our hearts, the longing to invite Him to bring order, the longing for fresh air, and sunshine....... and even the longing to be willing to be pruned, so that even more new growth can happen.

I get to choose to respond, and the intensity at which I respond.

God is cool, and the kindest most patient relationship I have ever experienced.

Thanks God, for coming to me... like rain, spring rain. I need it.

Laughter is GOOD Medicine!

2008-03-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 17:22 says:
A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.

Some of us find it harder than, others to find a way, in midst of our day... to have a cheerful disposition, or a merry heart, or to find laughter.

One of the greatest gift's that God gave my son, was the ability to have a cheerful disposition. It seems to be his mission in life to find ways to create laughter. From the moment he was born, there has not been a day, that he has not made me laugh... even when I'm mad at him, or my day appears to be filled with struggles. He was sent as a gift to me and the world. He reflects the character of God in unusual ways, and I am blessed by it.

This Friday was "Old School Spirit Day" at his school. This is what he came up with. I'm still laughing, and grateful, for the gift of laughter and his ability to help my heart have a cheerful disposition.

Good and Lovely Things

2008-03-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

Today in devotions at work. I led a celebration prayer pod.

Its good to remember, and muse upon, and think of all positive things we see around us, and to thank God for them. Each day we face challenges, and its easy to see what isn't working or isn't......something.

Phillipians 4:8 says:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

So, I think that:

* I am blessed
* Life is good
* God provides above and beyond my wildest dreams
* He is kind
* He answers prayer
* He is full of wisdom and light
* My kids are so beautiful and a gift
* I am chosen
* Each day brings with it a promise of hope and mercy
* I am forgiven and healed
* I am loved
* He is good
* His promises are true
* Love always wins
* Love never fails
* The people around me are a gift from God
* Greater things have yet to come

Gratitude Wednesday

2008-03-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

While I have been enjoying beautiful weather in Kelowna for a number of weeks, my dear friends in Ontario have been pounded with snow, and cold weather. Apparently the most in many years.

One person commented and said: At least the black flies aren't here yet!!!

So, in honor of all my friends enduring nasty weather, and those who choose to look at life on the brighter side.

Here's an "At least there aren't" list for Winter Wednesday in Ontario.

At least:

1. I don't have a sunburn
2. There aren't black flies
3. I don't have to cut the grass twice a week
4. I'm not sweating buckets
5. I don't have mosquito bites
6. I haven't missed summer vacation
7. I can still enjoy hot chocolate
8. I don't need to start spring cleaning yet
9. I don't have to figure out what to do with my kids on summer break yet
10.I don't have to wear sunscreen.. (or shave my legs as much???)
11.I will look forward to spring more than any year ever!

I'm sure my friends can come up with a few "at leasts" if for no other reason than a good laugh....
What's your "at least" or I'm grateful for?

Gratitude Saturday.. a day late

2008-03-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

Today I'm grateful for:

First flowers of spring
Saturday mornings
Supportive staff members
Relationships
Truth
Kindness
Grace
Mercy
My soft bed
New ideas
New music
New growth
New beginnings

Gratitude Saturday

2008-03-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm grateful for:

Spring Weather for the past 2 weeks.
Sunshine
4 Robins who greeted me when I awoke this morning.
Lindsay's smile
Music
Singing.....people and birds
Saturdays...a day to catch up, do chores and have fun
Cadbury mini eggs....mmmm
My husbands blue eyes
My son's tender touch
Alyssa's infectious zest for life
Health
My soft couch

Waiting.....

2008-02-26T19:11:00.000-08:00

Why do you say, "The Lord doesn't notice our condition"? People of Israel, why do you say, "Our God doesn't pay any attention to our rightful claims"?

Don't you know who made everything? Haven't you heard about him? The Lord is the God who lives forever. He created everything on earth. He won't become worn out or get tired. No one will ever know how great his understanding is.

He gives strength to those who are tired. He gives power to those who are weak.

Even young people become worn out and get tired. Even the best of them trip and fall.

But those who trust in the Lord will receive new strength. They will fly as high as eagles.
They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not grow weak. Isaiah 40:27-31

I am a wiser, stronger woman. I am learning the power of trust and waiting on the Lord.

Last week, I spent 5 hours at hospital and doctor appointments, with no resolve or answer for my daughter. I left baffled, and even more resolved to wait on God for answers. I decided to push against the oppression and despair by worshiping even more and declaring His goodness to me through the power of community relationships, the power of agreement in prayer and the power of the body of Christ.

Saturday morning, she was still rough, and certainly not herself.
On Saturday night as I slept, I felt as though I was praying all through the night, making my requests known to God. I boldly asked, I was seeking and knocking on heavens door, asking for relief. Somehow I knew I was not alone.
I kept reminding God how, this was His problem, and only He had the answer. So, I kept waiting, asking, believing and reminding Him of His goodness and power.

Sunday morning, Lindsay dramatically improved. By Sunday afternoon, she was able to walk. A bit unsteady, and not 100%, but considering she has moved much in 7 weeks - this was miraculous!

I cried tears of joy and felt overwhelming relief. I was grateful for the simplicity of being able to walk and move. I knew that He was the answer to this miracle. No one else could do it. He was the only solution.

The renewal of Lindsay's strength did not come when I wanted it to, but it did come.
I don't get to choose when, I just get to choose to wait.............on the Lord.
Waiting will always bring strength, its His promise.

Since before time began no one has ever imagined, No ear heard, no eye seen, a God like you who works for those who wait for him. - Isaiah 64:4 - The Message

The Village

2008-02-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm blessed to be able to work at a great ministry called The Leadership Centre Willow Creek Canada.
Lately, we have been hearing the statement, "It takes a village to raise a child"
We feel like this statement somehow resonates with what God has called us to do as a ministry. To be a "village" for leaders all across Canada.
As as staff we have been asking God, "what does this look like for us here as a ministry, both inside the building as a staff, and, how do we become a "village" for leaders in Canada?

Simultaneously, my sweet daughter has spent over 7 weeks, in a health crisis. Each week has become more difficult for her to move. She started by dragging her left foot and "wabbling" in her ability to walk. Now, 7 weeks later, she cannot move at all in the morning, she is completely stuck and in obvious discomfort. She requires 2 staff to try and pull her body upright, just to begin her day. She has been unable to stand, even with 2 staff trying to help her, and once they get her standing, she is stuck - bent over. This is her state, in a nut shell. The reality of how she is doing, would take too long to describe. The point is that, although we have been to the hospital, and xrays, and labs, and doctors offices over and over again..... we have no answer and no relief for her. To say that I have been concerned is a huge understatement.

In the midst of all this, I heard direction from God on how to approach this, on how to fight against the hopelessness and despair that attempts to hit my spirit. I learned the key is in worship, and wrote about it on my previous posts. This key has guarded me. Now looking back over 18 years, 14 surgeries and countless hospital stays and tremendous obstacles.... this has been my only key to survival and overcoming. I remain dedicated to worship Him, proclaiming the truth from His word and His promises through song, through a life of worship.

The other key for victory has come through my "Village"
My friend Joanne wrote a great post this week about - "We All Need People"
She wrote:
"People come in and out of our lives - - so many of them have more purpose than I think we sometimes give them credit for. God walks our lives in and around others, purposefully showing us more about life, love and Himself."

All week God has given me various people from my "Village" to come and bring spiritual nourishment, a listening ear, and comfort to me. They are everywhere, and I need the sum of them, all put together.

From the amazing workers at Lindsay's home, (without whom I would be lost), to my Blogger and Facebook friends, to my understanding boss (Brian), to the staff at work, ...you know who you are ...(who pray daily with me), to my immediate co-workers who patiently listen to me tell my story and try to wrestle down the hard questions in my heart (Pat and Brad ), to my kids, who show grace when I'm weary, to my worship team, who wars with me, and my family who carries us in prayer.

I, have a huge "Village", and have needed it, to help raise my sweet child, and better yet, to help me as I learn on this journey.

Today, my mom called me at work. She knew that I spent another 5 hours at the hospital with Lindsay, with no answers. So, on her midnight watch of prayer for me, she heard another promise from God found in 1 Peter 1:7. It was like fresh water, and kept me determined to follow my course of overcoming with God.

These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7 - NIV Version

Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory. - The Message

This is what being an overcomer looks like. It looks like one, who, although tested by fire, chooses to worship God anyways. It looks like someone, who realizes that they need the "Village" or the body of Christ to pursue this life of faith.

This is what I think "The Village" looks like:

6 God's various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. 7 Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! 8 The variety is wonderful: wise counsel clear understanding 9 simple trust healing the sick 10 miraculous acts proclamation distinguishing between spirits tongues interpretation of tongues. 11 All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God. He decides who gets what, and when. 12 You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts - limbs, organs, cells - but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. 13 By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain - his Spirit - where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves - labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free - are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. 14 I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. 15 If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? 16 If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? 17 If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? 18 As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it. 19 But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. 20 What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. 21 Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? 22 As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way - the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. 23 When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. 24 If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair? 25 The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, 26 the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. 27 You are Christ's body - that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. 1 Cor. 12 - The Message.

Advancing Through Worship

2008-02-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

Well, as many of you know I have had some challenging days in front of me. This week was even more challenging with hours and hours of hospital assessments, and no clear answers, and more physical deterioration for my sweet daughter.

By Thursday evening I was very weary, frustrated and very concerned to see my daughter suffering so much.
Some of the care she received at the hospital, was no where close to the care that is fit for a princess, and a daughter of the King.

This is where the frustration starts for me. I KNOW that my daughter is a princess, and often others are unable to see her priceless value.

I know that God is in charge and I believe in His promises to me and my family.
I believe that He is concerned about every thing that I am concerned about.
His word says that He even cares if a sparrow falls to the ground.

This is where the intense frustration starts for me. An intense turmoil boils within my spirit when my current reality has not yet aligned with His promises to me.

This is the same turmoil that has been around since Adam and Eve. This is the intense reality of living in a world where there is constantly a battle between Light and Darkness. We live in a fallen world. We are constantly faced with the outcome of a fallen world. The power to overcome this battle and push through only comes through worship.

This is where I know the victory lies.

The truth is I can choose to continue to partner with the Victorious One by engaging in worship. This is where the power is. This is where the light is, and this is where we can choose to be overcomer's. We can advance with praise.

Praise is our weapon of warfare. The bible is filled with stories of challenges, obstacles, and wars. The army of God always sent the worshipers ahead. They advanced through praise.

When we try to fight in the natural, we can become overcome with frustration and a need for justice. When we fight with praise, we partner with His kingdom, with the power that only He holds.

So, this week, although I was worried and weary beyond belief. Even though I have no answers, my sweet pea continues to be in pain, and in need of relief........I choose to fight with worship.

Worship pushes back the darkness and takes me into the courts of the King.

I was booked to lead worship at a few services and I almost decided not to lead, not to sing, not to play my instrument and not to try... and then....................................................... I saw the Light.

I saw that I had only one weapon with which to fight with. The weapon of praise. It is more powerful and more intense than all my emotions and need for answers. It is the answer.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Cor. 10:3-4

So, this week I chose to push aside my feelings of frustration and injustice and I chose to lead worship instead. I chose to worship in the midst of the turmoil, I chose to thank Him for who He is, and not what I see.

In these moments, I found release, comfort and confidence.
In these moments, I joined with all the hosts of heaven to declare His goodness, and His power.

In these moments, I advance through worship...... and I, am an overcomer.

I will have a testimony of His goodness.

They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Rev. 12

Trust - Raw and Real

2008-02-12T20:09:00.000-08:00

For the past 2 weeks, an old hymn has not left my mind, my heart, my lips.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

The past month or so has been a time to trust and lean hard on God. I have faced a few illnesses myself, my daughter has not been able to walk properly for 6 weeks, and has required countless hospital and doctors visits, and time away from my work to attend to her. She, however, cannot speak or tell us what is troubling her, so we continue to ask God for help and also seek medical advice. My husband experienced a very horrific vehicle accident, and miraculously survived.

In these times, I ask God questions, and look to Him for strength. Whenever I face overwhelming odds and obstacles, I am keenly aware that I (we) are in a spiritual battle of dramatic proportions... most of which we are unaware of.

I become more aware than ever, that my hope is not in my Christian acts of kindness or acts of service. My hope is not in how I feel, my hope is not in what I know.... my hope is built on NOTHING LESS than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

Despite the swirling of activities, and problems, and obstacles and concerns and worries, I declare that my hope is in Jesus. I choose to trust Him.

I choose to trust that He is watching and guiding me, despite what my circumstances look like. Whenever the waves of unexplained struggles come, when the demands on me become greater than I think I can give, or endure........I become even more aware of my desperate need of Him.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

For those of us who have loved ones that need our care, who need others to survive..................for those who face overwhelming obstacles, or unanswered prayers, sometimes, it seems as though reality is screaming at us, and is relentless in its demands. Despite all the responsibilities we carry, despite our obedient efforts..... He is in control.

My hope is not is the removal of all my problems, my hope is in Jesus. It is His power in and through me.

This is not to say that I choose to resign myself to accepting problems or obstacles as "my lot in life" -NO- a big fat NO.

Nor, am I afraid of the enemy. I become even more aware that the enemy is out to rob, steal and destroy my life, but............. he cannot, he is powerless, because I choose to put all of my hope in Jesus, in His oath, in His blood, in His covenant to me.

Despite what I face in a day, despite any pressing, despite my feelings, I am aware that it is "His power" "the power of the cross of Jesus" that is my anchor - my hope.

And then, I choose to press in and trust, with raw and real feelings. I rest on His unchanging grace that has an endless supply just for me.

When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Cor. 4:8

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T14:38:00.000-08:00

Its hard to believe that 2007 is now ending! The year has flown by, and for me, it has been quite a year of transition.

After caring for my special needs daughter for 17 years, she moved into her new digs near my home. All of it is a tremendous gift from God, but still... she is no longer with me, right under my watchful eye everyday. She is however being closely watched by God and other amazing Christian people... and I am grateful.

I ended one position, and started a new full time job. It has been a big learning curve, meeting 28 new staff members, sorting out my role and learning the skills necessary. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve leaders all across Canada, and I am grateful for this transition.

Tonight, my husband and I have been asked to share our heart about the upcoming year. In the past few days I have been pondering and asking God what He has in store, and what does He want to say to His people. I'm not one given to "words from God" that aren't backed up by a scripture, or at least have some scripture in it, but this is what I saw and heard.

I saw a picture of a field filled with huge giants laying down side by side, all covered in dirt and sand... as though they had been lying down on the ground for quite some time, and the dust of the day had settled over them. They were motionless.

The Lord showed me that we are all "giants" in the Spirit. We have all been called to great things, gigantic assignments and things that call for the "greatness" that comes from Him.

He showed me that there have been many who have been "laying down", for various reasons.

Some have become weary, some had stumbled and fallen, some were wounded, some in need of a good rest. Others have been ill, or disappointed with the outcome of some battles. There have been many reasons.

In all of it, many giants were down on the ground and had stopped, whether it be from God asking them to stop and rest, or because they had lost energy. Either way, there was no movement, and they were in a position of lying down, almost looking as though they were dead.

God told me, "Tell my giants that its time for them to get up and shake off the dust. Its time to pick their swords back up. Its time to go back to the Father and get replenished. Its time to go back to the Father and get new orders. Its time for a new beginning."

The number 8 means - New beginnings.

I believe God is asking us to wake up from our slumber, shake the dust off, and go to Him to get new orders, and get replenishment from Him, to be ready for what He has for us in the future.

We need to remember that what nourished us in the past, may not be what we will need to sustain us in the future. Our orders may completely change. Are you ready? Am I ready?

God, help me to go to you for replenishment and refreshment. Help me realize that You are doing a new thing, and that they way You had me"conquered" things with You in the past , may not be the same for the future.
Help me to perceive the "new things, and the new beginnings" that You have for me, and that You have for us as Your Church.

Give us the strength to stand up again.
Give us the faith to believe You and believe Your new orders for us.
Help us to run to You first to receive our refreshment and nourishment that we need for the battles ahead.
Give us the courage to go a new way, to let go of the failure, disappointment, disillusionment, the discouragement, the old ways, the old strategies, help us let go, so that we can receive the new.
Help us to see that we are all called to be "giants" in the faith.
Thank you that with You, all things can become new. Its time for a new beginning...

Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. 29 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. 30 Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. 31 But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Is. 40:28-31

"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.Is 43:19

Transition

2007-12-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

I've been working at a new job since July and have had the privilege of working with 28 different staff members from various denominations. I haved work very closely with the designer in this ministry. His name is Dave, and he is a tremendous creative individual.

Recently, I helped him take a journey to realize that he was ready for transition.
As well as being a great graphic designer, he is a phenomenal painter. He's had a life long dream to eventually paint full time.

Well, today was his last day at work, and the beginning of his new dream. Today I got to bless and encourage Dave to move even further towards his destiny. Today I help him let go of the past (as good as it was) in order to embrace his promising future. Today I saw a man pass the baton with grace and honor.

Transition is always bitter sweet, its hard to leave a place where you have ministered for years and poured your heart and soul into. It requires letting go, trust and confidence in God. Transition is part of life, and often part of God's purpose.

Transition means:
movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change
God always gets us ready for transition by making us uncomfortable... I think its so that we will consider a change. Whenever God is calling me to transition... I always get a mental picture of myself like Tarzan, leaping through the air from one rope to another. The thing is, in order to keep the momentum... you have to let go of the rope behind you. Scary, yes! Necessary, yes!

The great thing about God is... whenever He calls you to move forward and let go of a former thing.... it is always unto something greater or to move you closer to His ultimate plan for your life.

See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Lifestyle Of Worship

Psalm 2012 v.128

Looking for the whole story?

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 13

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 12

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 11

Making Of A Miracle - Part 10

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 9

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 8

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 7

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 6

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 5

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 4

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 3

The Making of a Miracle - Part 2

The Making of a Miracle Part 1

Firm Foundation

Blessed

Gratitude

Do It Afraid

"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers and decided to go forward anyway!"

My friend Sharon has an axiom that says: Do It Afraid.

13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

I love it because it means, that courage does not mean that I have it all together. I can be ordinary. It means that I leave fear behind, have faith and trust that God is with me. Then - I go for it!!!

I'm Just Sayin' !

Gifts

Moving Forward

It's Time

Memories

Breathtaking Beauty

Marvelous Muffin Memories

Mama Mia!

God Bless You with Foolishness to Believe

Shantie Songs

He is for you

Recommended Worship

Are you hanging on?

Gratitude Monday

Simple Inspiration

Change: Part 2

Live in the Moment

Change Is In The Air

The Best Is Yet To Come

A Heavenly Moment

The Best Things In Life Are Free

A word in season

A Time Out

Its a small world

Inspiring Hope

Be Inspired

Recommended Worship

Habits

Recomended Worship

A New Song

Mothers Day Thoughts

Celebrating Mothers Day

Pause

Finally I Surrender

Its Time To Ask

Matthew 7:7-11 (New International Version)

Ask, Seek, Knock

Gifted To Lead

Solitude

Start Singing!

There Is A Light

Riches Are A State Of Mind

Proverbs 8:17-19 says

Reflection

I'm Thankful

Shut In

I Have To Believe

Songs I'm Listening To

When Fear Comes Crawling Your Way

No Worries

The African Dream - Part 2

Father To The Fatherless

Living A Dream

Inspiration. To make a difference.

Rest ........Is A Weapon

I AM

¹³ When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.