Oct 13, 2011

The Making of a Miracle Part 1

If you're not one for long blog posts, you may want to skip this one. The following is a story of a miracle that I experienced first hand. This spectacular story deserves the full details. (hence the length). Today commemorates 4 years since a miracle began for me. It's time for me to write the story.

I've heard a lot of stories of superstition and doom around Friday the 13th. That's not my experience.

Friday the 13th was a day of a miracle in the making for me. If you don't believe in God, you may want to after reading this story. I do, and since this miracle, will forever be reminded that there is a God and He sees me and cares about my life.

Five years ago, on Friday October the 13th, my entire life journey was about to shift. The miraculous kind of shift. I didn't do anything to deserve it, AND I will be forever grateful.

I was blessed with a gift that many do not receive. A special needs child. A severely developmentally delayed, physically disabled, medically fragile, constant care, pure-hearted, simple-minded, high needs, giggly, gorgeous child. Don't feel sorry for me. She has been the one of greatest gift in my life and has created the most amount of positive change for both myself and my family. She has taught me daily how to choose a perspective that will bring life and hope, despite the odds. She is my life long teacher. Her name is Lindsay. (aka - Sweet Pea).

Where do I begin to tell the story of a miracle in the making?
I'll start with the Master set up.

About 4 years before the miracle, my parents decided to be courageous and adventurous and move far from their life-long stomping grounds and head to Western Canada; to a land of freedom and adventure. Their friends thought they were a wee bit whacked and could not understand how they could no longer be available nearby to support my family and the overwhelming needs of Lindsay. I chose to be excited for them.  I knew deep in my gut that this was the right thing for them to do. I basically told them to get out of town and enjoy their retirement. I had a deep sense that I (we) would be just fine. And we were.

We eventually visited the West too - and fell in love with Kelowna, BC. We felt drawn there and didn't really know why. It wasn't where my parents (or anyone we knew) lived. It just felt like home. But wait - we had a home! What was up? It really didn't make sense. The draw was so strong that we found ourselves thinking about living in Kelowna.

Sounds simple right? Ah, I think not. Not when you have a special needs child. NOTHING is simple, let alone hauling all the way across the country to a new province, social system, health system, school system. A near impossible feat is what it could be.  Here's where it gets exciting (scary, wild, ridiculous, crazy).

I've always been able to talk to God. It sure beats talking to yourself!! He's like my best friend and through the years with Lindsay; He heard A LOT from me and this journey that was chosen for me. He's a great listener.  I've come to learn that He can take anything we need to say to Him and what He likes even more, is to talk back to us. Give it a try some time! Go ahead - yell, scream, talk out loud, in your head, whatever way... just talk and then stop and listen. You'll be surprised at what you hear. I guarantee it. Anyway, I digress, on with the story.

One day, early July 2005, I was talking to God about these ridiculous, crazy feelings we were having about the West. I pointed out to Him that I would just like these thoughts to go away. Didn't He know that it was impossible with Lindsay?
Besides that - I was perfectly happy with where I was. I was grateful. We were content. We had good friends, great jobs and an awesome home. I had just received more funding for Lindsay and was dreaming and creating a long term and plan and "wish-list" for Lindsay's dream home maybe 10 or 20 years down the road.

Why on earth did we have this draw to Kelowna. BC?

This is Ridiculous. Impossible. Crazy. 
And yet... my mind and heart would wander. So -  as usual, I blurted out my thoughts and logic to God one day, while I was sitting on the couch, folding laundry and attending to my sweet pea.

This is what He said to me:

I don't want you to consider Lindsay in the decision to move or not. I'll consider her. Don't you do anything or look into anything for her as you make a decision.  
She is not to be the deciding factor.

Well you might just as well have asked me to cut my legs off and then asked me to run a marathon. EVERYTHING I did in life, whether work or pleasure, included a mandatory consideration of Lindsay.  

Who would watch her? How would I pay for it?

I bore you with the details, but suffice to say, NO activity could occur without considering her needs first. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it was. Through it, I learned to organize, administrate, stretch, manage and advocate in ways that exceeded any formal training.

I asked Him back:
Don't consider her? Don't do or even look into anything? Not even a phone call to inquire? 

He said:
Nope. Don't.  
[insert a BIG, scaredy cat sigh from me]

Was I crazy? Did I hear right? Yup. You see I had become very familiar with His voice. He had earned the status of best friend, because talking to Him kept me sane through hundreds, no, thousands of the longest, most painful, stressful, agonizing days of my life. No... I'm not kidding... He kept me sane. (sometimes by just a hair).

Friends love us like no other -  they "get us". They will listen to us rant and rave and tolerate our faults. They can see things that we cannot and can hold hope for us even when we are hopeless.In that moment, I knew beyond all logic, that I could trust this voice of my best friend.

2 months of agonizing over this mysterious draw to Kelowna ended in our decision. We were going to move. Now what?

The decision was made and I........ had NO plan, no consideration for Lindsay. I had nothing for her. (this coming from the woman who always has a plan).

Tomorrow...... the rest of the story.

1 comment:

Shaun and Holly said...

Love you!! :)