Psalm 2012 v.128

Why must a mother's heart feel such anguish?
Why must the helpless one suffer?

Human minds try to reason with mysteries
Trying their theories on the needy, the wounded, the broken
Some things are beyond all reasoning, beyond all that one can bear
Where are You?
Are You there?

Weighty, crushing is my heart of anguish
Breathless, helpless, life suspended
Wishing, waiting, almost listless
In the stillness, so alone

You are listening, waiting, watching
Crying, grieving, heaving, sorrow
In the stillness, I hear You breathing
And I faintly see You leading
To a place - - so rare

The place of leaning, cleaving, bare
Into something beyond reason
Where - oh where -  oh where?

The place that only You can go
The place that only You can know
The place of humble resignation
And yet - without despair

My hope is found in You alone
The kindest One I've ever known
Who speaks of things I do not know
And keeps me in His care

Come meet me, greet me, in this place
And let me see Your loving face
The One who wipes away my tears
And keeps me in His care

I find my rest in You alone
I lean away from all I know
And press into Your beating heart
And find my safety there

For You are with me, breathing, listening
Touching, reaching, healing, kissing
Your child, your love, be-loved one
I - am in Your care

Now I feel You gently reaching
Loving, caring, breathing, listening
Now I know that You are here
And I am not alone

I - am not alone

Isaiah 66 - As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you

Finally I Surrender

This past Sunday our youth pastor spoke on the power of the cross. Since the beginning of lent, our church has been on a journey of contemplating the cross. It has been wonderful.

One of the scriptures he read caught me off guard. Now, I've read it many times before, but never from The Message version.
Here are the words of Jesus from Matthew 16

^24-26Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

There were 2 statements that hit me like a huge ocean wave, not like a brick, but a wave that washes me onto my back in surrender.

The first thing that struck me was when Jesus said:

You're not in the driver's seat, I am.

My head knows this to be true and yet my soul man often fights against it. I THINK I like being in the drivers seat. Why, because then I can navigate and keep myself safe by my "good driving"
After I heard this, I began to imagine myself being driven around, maybe down roads that I wouldn't choose, or in busy traffic, or at a speed that I don't like.

How many of you know what I mean? They call us back seat drivers. We find it hard to trust the driver and could probably wear a spot in the floor when we press our invisible break that we use each time we feel unsafe with our "driver".
Reality is though, I hate how I feel when I'm in control. Its too much work, too much to look out for, and requires me to live in bondage to fear and doubt.

Giving over control to Christ, according to the bible, requires sacrifice. I love how Jesus said,

Follow me, and I'll show you how.

Now, after reading this, I breathe deeply, and let go of control as I breathe out.
I am not alone in this.
He will show me how to let go. All I have to do is follow Him. He always longs to lead us, if we, but listen, let go, and follow.

Next post, I'll write about the other thing that stood out to me in this scripture, but for now, I leave you with this song from Misty Edwards.
Finally, I Surrender.