Nov 1, 2011

The Making Of A Miracle - Part 12

Recap from last post:
* Life as I knew it was swirling upside down. I had years of Lindsay's severe health issues turn my world upside down (over and over) and I had learned to ride that wave. But this..... this.... I had NO grid for. This was uncharted territory of a foreign land. It scared me.

A few days later, John left a message on our phone.

Seeing as we are coming next week and we serious about this, I think you need to go and see the home before we have the meeting.

Woah, slow down! This is going way too fast. I thought.
I can't do that! I don't want to do that. 

Nothing, aside from building the "perfect home" for Lindsay would ever match my expectations.
This princess can only have one kind of castle, and it would have to be perfect..

John left the name and phone number of the manager at the home and asked me to book a visit.

Woah... slow down Mister! I thought.
Now my heart was pounding in my throat.
I picked up the phone and called my husband immediately.

My husband has always been a black and white kind of guy. It often takes me time, consideration, and a ton of verbal processing to come to a conclusion. Not Sid. His response was almost instantaneous.

Ah... NO! He said very bluntly.
Underneath his words was this rage like a wolf protecting his young. Ain't nobody gonna touch my baby that I have nurtured and cared for daily for 17 years!

We are not ready for this. I'm not ready for this.

It's very nice of them, but I can't do it. I'll talk to John. He said very matter of factly.
The conversation was done. 
My heart moved back down into my chest and I could breathe again.

He's right. We aren't ready. We don't HAVE to do this. I told myself.

But inside I had this wild curiosity about this man, this place, this call, this opportunity. The curiosity did not lessen, it only intensified.

My husband called John and had a lengthy conversation. They chatted about the opportunity, the meeting, the place and most importantly the princess and the deep love that he had for our sweet pea.
He told John of Lindsay's unique needs and the load that it had placed on our family. He thanked him for this gracious offer, but let him know that we just weren't ready. He just couldn't do it.
The conversation was done.

That evening, after the kids were asleep, we laid in bed chatting and somewhat praying about this crazy phone call.
Our emotions bounced all over the place until we became exhausted, prayed a bewildered prayer to God for clarity and relented to sleep.

The next day John called back.
He insisted that we go see the home and have the meeting. He had been praying about it and asked if we would just take this step.

Ingredient #8 for a miracle.
You're never done, unless you choose to be done.
Accepting a miracle in the making can mean saying yes when you want to say no.
Be willing to be willing.

Am I dreaming? I thought. This is Ridiculous. Impossible. Crazy. 
Breathe Cheryl. Just breathe. Just take the next step. 
No one is forcing you to do anything. 
Besides that, it won't be what she needs, it probably won't be a good fit or measure up. Nothing ever has.

That evening I told my husband about the call from John and his request. I told him that I said yes.

You can go then! But I'm not! My husband said in a flustered huff.

That's when the same courageous (who is this woman) kinda surge rose up in me again, just like the day I had asked for Bethesda. 

Well, I'm NOT going by myself. You are coming with me, or we're not going at all! I sputtered.

Fine! He blurted.
Fine! I blurted back.

On we went with our normal routine of the evening. Dinner, homework with our son, feeding Lindsay, bathing her, diapering and putting her to bed. The chores drowned out our racing emotions.

The day of the viewing arrived.

By then I had this vague recollection of a list that we had created when we were back in Ontario.
Years earlier, we had met with families for months. We all dreamed of building a home for our kids that would suit their needs perfectly. At the meetings we all decided to write a list of "non-negotiable's" for our child. These were unique, one-of-a-kind provisions that had that had to be present for our children. Absolutely non-negotiable. Completely custom made lists that would only matter to them... to us.

We pulled up to the driveway. Both of us were a bundle of nerves.
We were surprised to discover that it was only 10 minutes from our home was nestled into a quiet street that backed onto a gorgeous popular green-way that extended throughout the city.

We rang the doorbell, and tried to calm our breathing.

Rita, the manager opened the door and greeted us warmly.
She invited us in and started showing us around.
My eyes and nose were on high alert. I don't like homes that smell like hospitals.

Sniff, sniff. Hmmm. It smells like a delicious roast beef dinner in here. Certainly not what I had imagined and experienced before.

As we wandered around, from room to room, my vision became blurred, with overwhelming tears.
After viewing the "empty room", we both stopped and began to weep, uncontrollably.

Only God and the other families in Ontario knew what our list of non-negotiable's were.
This place had EVERY ONE of the things on the list. Right down to the fact that Lindsay needed 2 blinds on her windows to block out any early morning sunlight.

We had always dreamed of having a kitchen as the central place in the home with hallways all around it so that Lindsay could walk and wander safely to her heart's content. They were here. There were windows all around the kitchen so anyone could peer in and see what was going on, without being exposed to the dangerous stove.

The floors had no carpet. Another non-negotiable.
There were loads of windows pouring in sunlight.
There was a covered deck to keep the sun's heat away.
There were only 4 beds and fantastic one on one care, tailored uniquely to each individual.

Our non-negotiable list was VERY long and detailed. (almost impossible to achieve)

Not only that.. there were a few other items added that we didn't even know we wanted.

I'm not sure how the meeting ended. It's all a blur now. All I know is that we both walked away empty of tears, flushed, flustered and completely undone. Now we were really messed up.

What was going on?! We had no clue.
All we knew is that a secret list was matched perfectly with this place called Bethesda.

This alone gave us enough faith to go into our meeting in a few days.

1 comment:

Tiqvah said...

"Sniff, sniff. Hmmm. It smells like a delicious roast beef dinner in here. Certainly not what I had imagined and experienced before" - LOVE Bethesda for that.. I laughed out loud when I read that! I remember the first time I walked into Bethesda too.. I was thinking, wow, this doesn't seem like a facility - this is a home!!! I am so glad it is the home to so many special, amazing and unique people, like Lindsay!